GRIPS, GRUNTS AND GROANS

[ The short opens with a freight train moving on tracks and slowing down. Once the train stops, we hear a horse whinnying loudly. ]

[ Outside of one of the train cars that says "FOR HORSES ONLY - CAR 14", we hear the Stooges inside speaking ]

LARRY: Three spades.

MOE: Five hearts!

CURLY: I double.

LARRY: I re-double!

CURLY: I triple!

[ Two railroad detectives enter the scene and look around wondering where the Stooges' voices are coming from ]

MOE: You can't triple!

CURLY: Can triple!

[ The detectives realize the voices are coming from Car 14 and one of them knocks outside the car door with his club ]

RAILROAD DETECTIVE: Who's in there?!

CURLY: [ from inside the car ] Nobody - just us horses!

[ The two detectives nod their heads and begin to turn away, then do a double-take when they realize what they just heard ]

RAILROAD DETECTIVE: Would you "horses" mind getting out?

[ Curly opens the car door. He has a pair of cards in his left hand. ]

CURLY: Why soitenly, pal! I'll call the other horses! [ looking around ] Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry!

[ Moe and Larry walk up to Curly ]

MOE: What's the matter?

[ Moe and Larry notice the railroad detectives standing outside car and they quickly shut the car door. The railroad detectives struggle to pry the door back open as we hear the Stooges inside. ]

CURLY: Quick, Moe, tickle the mule!

MOE: Kick, Jenny, kick!

[ A donkey brays loudly as the detectives finally get the door open. Suddenly, the donkey's legs pop out from inside the car and kick the detectives right in the stomach. As the detectives hold their stomachs in pain, the Stooges begin jumping out from the car. ]

MOE: WHOA! Take it easy, boys! Whoa!

[ The two detectives surround the Stooges and begin to swing their clubs at them ]

RAILROAD DETECTIVE: WHY, YOU--

[ The Stooges duck and the detectives end up smashing the clubs over each other's head. The Stooges dash away as far as possible. ]

CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo-woo-woo--

[ As the Stooges run around a corner, they crash into and knock over a baby carriage. Two women standing by the baby carriage scream in horror, as the Stooges get up and peek back around the corner to see if the detectives are still following them, which they are. The women walk up to the baby in the knocked-over baby carriage. ]

WOMAN: Oh, you poor darling!! Are you alright?!

[ The Stooges run inside the closest door, which is the entrance to the "Hangover Athletic Club". Not knowing which way the Stooges went, the detectives run past the athletic club and continue searching around outside. ]

[ Inside the club, there's a room where several boxers and wrestlers are practicing in the background, while two boxing managers are standing in the middle and watching. The Stooges burst inside the room, then slam the door and put their heads to it to hear if the detectives are out there. ]

[ The camera shows a close-up of Moe's suitcase, which has several stamps from different countries on it, including Little America, Rome and Paris. ]

LARRY: [ taking off his hat ] Whew! That was a close shave!

CURLY: Now what do we do???

MOE: Ya lunkhead! If you hadn'ta opened that freight car door, we'da been sittin' pretty!

[ The two boxing managers and several other athletes walk up to the Stooges. The head manager speaks up. ]

TONY: What are you mugs doin' here?

MOE: Well, we kinda got crossed up wi--

TONY: Whaddaya want?!

MOE AND LARRY: [ pointing at Curly ] He's lookin' for work!

CURLY: Oh, no!

TONY: Okay! We need sparrin' partners! Fight a few rounds with Kid Pinky and I'll give ya five bucks. [ to the athletes ] Come on, boys, back to work.

[ They all walk away from the Stooges ]

MOE: Ha, ha!

LARRY: Five bucks!

[ A heavy, bald, bearded wrestler named Bustoff enters the arena and greets the head manager, Tony ]

BUSTOFF: Hiya, boss. [ looks over at the Stooges ]

MOE: One round and we eat! Oh, boy!

CURLY: [ angrily throwing down his hat ] I'm no fighter! I won't do it!

MOE: Put up your hands!

[ Curly raises both of his hands and Moe slaps him in the face ]

CURLY: Ooh!

[ Moe kicks Curly in the leg, causing Curly to bend forward ]

CURLY: Ohh-ho!

[ Larry kicks Curly in the behind, causing Curly to stand back up ]

CURLY: Ohh-ho-ho!

[ Moe and Larry both twist Curly's ears ]

CURLY: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!

[ Moe bonks Curly on the head ]

CURLY: AAARGH!!

[ Moe and Larry begin strangling Curly ]

CURLY: AAAUGH!! Wait a minute, wait a minute!!

[ Moe and Larry release their grips ]

CURLY: If I'm gonna get beat up, I wanna get paid for it!

MOE: Okay!

[ Moe tries to grab Larry and Curly by the hair, but due to Curly's bald head, Curly walks away from Moe. ]

MOE: [ grabbing Curly back ] Hey!

[ The Stooges walk over to Bustoff, who's laughing at the Stooges' antics ]

BUSTOFF: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Say! You guys is a riot! Heh heh!

CURLY: Hmm!!

[ Curly steps up to Bustoff and snaps his fingers at him several times, then waves his hand on top of his head ]

BUSTOFF: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

[ Bustoff raises his arm and the Stooges fearfully jump back ]

BUSTOFF: That's very funny!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

TONY: Hey, Bustoff, will you go on and get your workout?! You're wrestlin' for the championship tonight!

BUSTOFF: Sure, sure! [ pushes Tony aside ] HA HA HA HA!!! [ to the Stooges ] Say! You know, I like you guys!

[ Bustoff triple slaps the Stooges, then sticks his arm out straight up in the air as if to wave goodbye. He then leaves. ]

TONY: [ to Curly ] Get undressed. Kid Pinky's waitin'.

MOE: Okay. [ to Curly ] Come on!

[ Moe and Larry walk towards the locker rooms. Curly is about to follow, but he gets distracted by a nearby boxing dummy. Curly punches the dummy backward, but the dummy bounces back forward and bumps into Curly's face. ]

CURLY: OOH!! HMM!

[ Curly twists down the dummy's non-existent ears, then waves his arm at it as he leaves to the locker room. ]

[ The scene ends and the next scene begins with the two boxing managers standing next to sitting boxer Kid Pinky. ]

TONY: Where are those guys?!

BOXING MANAGER #2: [ yelling towards the locker room ] Come on, you guys!

[ Moe and Larry walk out of the locker room ]

MOE: [ calling back for Curly ] Come on, Butch!

[ Curly enters wearing a baseball catcher's mask and chest protector, and boxing gloves ]

CURLY: Who am I gonna fight?

MOE: [ points ahead of the Stooges ] There he is over there.

[ Kid Pinky looks over at Curly and chuckles ]

CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! He'll be duck soup! [ taking off his catcher's mask ] I won't need this! [ hands the mask to Moe ] Hold that.

[ Moe and Larry help Curly take off his chest protector ]

LARRY: [ whispers to Curly ] Give 'im the "untied shoe" gag.

MOE: Yeah, when he bends over -- [ punches his fist forward ] UNH!!

CURLY: Don't worry! [ lifting his arms up ] Go on, feel that!

[ Moe pats Curly's stomach instead ]

MOE: Yeah, swell. Go ahead.

CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! [ to Kid Pinky ] Come on, shorty! Come here!

[ Curly takes a few steps forward, dances his legs around for a moment, flaps his arms, twists his right arm around, then swings it forward in the air as if he's pitching a baseball ]

MOE: They're off!!

[ Kid Pinky walks up to Curly, holding his fists up and ready to start the fight ]

CURLY: Your shoe's untied!

[ Kid Pinky looks down at his feet and Curly punches his boxing glove into Kid Pinky's jaw, but ends up hurting his own hand instead while Kid Pinky goes by unhurt. ]

CURLY: OOOH!!! OOOH-HOO!! OHH!

KID PINKY: Ha ha ha ha! The joke's on you - it isn't untied!

[ Kid Pinky suddenly starts jabbing his boxing gloves at Curly rapidly while Curly unsuccessfully tries to fight back ]

MOE: Come on, kid, surround 'im! Do your stuff now, come on! He can't hurt a baby! Come on!

[ Kid Pinky swings his arm around at Curly, but Curly ducks and Kid Pinky double-punches Moe and Larry instead, knocking then down to the floor. ]

CURLY: [ standing back up ] Nyuk, nyuk--

[ Kid Pinky swings his arm around again and punches Curly ]

CURLY: Oh! [ falls down next to Moe and Larry ]

[ Meanwhile, Bustoff is watching the whole thing and laughing hysterically ]

BUSTOFF: OHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

[ One of the boxing managers picks up a bucket of water and hurls it at the Stooges on the floor ]

BUSTOFF: HA HA HA HA HA!!

[ Moe spits out some water and moves his arms as if he's swimming underwater ]

MOE: Man the lifeboats!

CURLY: Women and children first!

BUSTOFF: [ picking up another bucket of water ] Heh, ha ha-- [ throws the bucket of water on the Stooges ] HEHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

[ The Stooges angrily get up from the floor and confront Bustoff ]

MOE: What's the matter witchoo?!

CURLY: Say, what's the idea?!!?

BUSTOFF: Now, now, don't get soft, boys! I like youse guys! Get dressed, and we'll go out and drink and eat, and see a lot of pretty girls!

CURLY: Can we have turkey???

BUSTOFF: Sure!!

ALL STOOGES: [ joyfully ] Ohhh!

BUSTOFF: Turkey and anything you want!

[ Bustoff slaps Curly on the back, causing him to bump into Moe, who then bumps into Larry, sending them all falling down on the floor again ]

BUSTOFF: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

[ The scene ends and the next scene begins on a close-up of a restaurant table where the Stooges have finished devouring their turkey meals. The only thing remaining on their plates are bones. Bustoff is sitting with the Stooges and smiling at their actions. Curly reaches over to Bustoff's plate and picks up something and licks it from his finger. The restaurant owner walks up to the table. ]

RESTAURANT OWNER: Will you gentlemen have dessert?

ALL STOOGES: Yeah, another turkey!!

[ The owner bugs his eyes in astonishment ]

[ The two boxing managers enter the restaurant ]

TONY: You cover those bets?

BOXING MANAGER #2: You bet I did.

[ Tony looks around the restaurant and gets a shocked look on his face when he sees the restaurant owner serving Bustoff and the Stooges glasses of wine. The Stooges and Bustoff raise their glasses and clink them together. ]

BUSTOFF: Well… [ clears throat ] Here's mud in your eye.

TONY: There they are - and Bustoff's drinkin'!

[ The boxing managers quickly walk over to the table ]

BOXING MANAGER #2: What's the idea?!!

[ The manager smacks the drink out of Bustoff's hand and into Bustoff's face. Bustoff looks around angrily, then stands up from his chair and starts grabbing at the manager and attacking him right over Curly's head. ]

BUSTOFF: WHY, YOU!!! I OUGHTA BREAK YOUR NOSE!!! I OUGHTA TAKE YOU!!!!!

CURLY: WOOOO-WOO-WOO, WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!! LOOK OUT!!!

BUSTOFF: [ lifting the manager over his shoulder ] I'll show ya! Ya throw my drinks away, would ya?!

[ Bustoff throws the manager right through a window, and the manager falls in a trash can ]

BUSTOFF: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

BOXING MANAGER #2: I'll fix you!

BUSTOFF: OHHH HA HA!!

TONY: [ grabbing Moe by the collar ] Listen, you! I got my shirt bet on Bustoff to win a wrestlin' match tonight, and you mugs got him out gettin' him stewed!

CURLY: Yeah, but he's payin' for it!

MOE: [ smacks Curly with celery ] Shaddup!!

TONY: [ to Moe ] Shut up yourself and listen! You're gonna stop Bustoff's drinkin', you're gonna get him to the stadium tonight sober, and ready to wrestle.

LARRY: Yeah, what if he wont come?

TONY: Kid him into it! He likes you mugs! And if you make good, I'll give ya a hundred bucks.

ALL STOOGES: A hundred bucks?!?

TONY: Yeah! And if you don't - [ puts his hand into his pocket and points it like a gun right into Moe's chest ] you get a hundred slugs!!

MOE: Don't worry, boss! We'll have him there!

[ Bustoff is seated at a table with a woman, and a waiter serves them what looks like a jug of alcohol ]

BUSTOFF: Ahh!

MOE: [ to the other Stooges ] Leave it to me, I'll handle 'im.

[ The Stooges look over and notice Bustoff with the drink ]

MOE: [ walking forward ] Come on!

[ The Stooges walk up to Bustoff ]

MOE: Listen, Bustoff, you can't drink that! That's alcohol!

BUSTOFF: No, that's not alcohol. That's just a little tequila, vodka, and cognac!

CURLY: Oh, that's different! Go ahead!

[ Moe and Larry look at Curly angrily ]

BUSTOFF: [ holds up jug ] Well, here's a go! Heh heh!

[ Bustoff guzzles down the entire drink in only a few seconds. Moe gets a shocked look on his face. Bustoff breathes some smoke out of his mouth. ]

BUSTOFF: [ in relief ] Ahhh!

[ Bustoff crushes the empty jug in his hand into a small ball. The woman sitting at his table smiles at him as she puts perfume on her face. ]

MOE: [ to Curly ] Ya fixed everything!

CURLY: You like it?

MOE: Yeah! [ slaps Curly ]

CURLY: OHHH!

[ Curly falls down on the floor next to the table, tipping over the woman's perfume bottle in the process. Curly gets up from the floor and looks at the perfume bottle and starts sniffing rapidly. He notices the perfume brand is Wild Hyacinth. He begins panting heavily and slapping his face. ]

CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo!! [ stands up ] WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!! [ madly running in place ] Hey, Moe - Wild Hyacinth!!

MOE: [ to the woman ] Cork that up, lady! The smell of Wild Hyacinth perfume drives him wild!

[ Curly grabs the table and tips the whole thing over ]

MOE: Take it easy, kid! Take it easy! [ to Larry ] Quick, Larry, tickle his foot - it's the only way we can quiet him! Come on.

[ Moe and Larry try to get a hold of Curly as he continues insanely jumping and running in place and woo-wooing. Curly grabs a chair and rips one of the legs right off of it. ]

MOE: Take it easy!

[ Bustoff, still sitting down, is completely drunk and laughing hysterically at Curly ]

BUSTOFF: HEYYYYYYY!!! THAT'S VERY FUNNY!! HA HA HAA!!!

CURLY: MOE, LARRY!! TICKLE MY FOOT!!

LARRY: His foot!

MOE: Okay!

[ Moe and Larry grab Curly by the legs and he falls over backwards. ]

CURLY: Moe, Larry! Tickle my foot!

[ Larry takes off Curly's left shoe and begins tickling his left foot ]

CURLY: Not that foot! The other one!! Woo-woo-woo-woo!!

[ Moe takes off Curly's right shoe and begins tickling his right foot. Curly laughs uncontrollably and loudly for a while until he finally calms down, then Moe stops. ]

MOE: There!

[ Moe and Larry stand up ]

MOE: Now let's get Bustoff and get outta here!

[ Moe lifts Curly up from the floor by his ear ]

CURLY: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

MOE: Come on!

[ The Stooges turn around and jump in shock when they see a drunk Bustoff staggering up from his chair ]

BUSTOFF: Hey, bartender! Give us a drink th--

[ Bustoff suddenly falls over and lays on the floor ]

BUSTOFF: AUUGH!!

[ The Stooges run over to Bustoff, who now appears to be unconscious ]

LARRY: Look at Bustoff - he's out cold!

MOE: [ crouching down next to Bustoff ] Hey, Bustoff! Hey, Bustoff!

BUSTOFF: [ mumbles ] Ehh, a drink there-- [ passes out again ]

MOE: [ to the other Stooges ] Pick him up, take him over to the stadium! We gotta get him in shape! Hurry up!

[ Curly and Larry grab Bustoff by the pants and start walking away, unknowingly pulling his pants off ]

MOE: HEY!! Take Bustoff, too!

[ Curly and Larry run back ]

LARRY: [ throwing Bustoff's pants at Moe ] Alright, there!

[ All the Stooges grab Bustoff by the legs and begin dragging him towards the entrance. The restaurant owner is holding the door open. ]

RESTAURANT OWNER: Now you fellas go on and get out of here!

LARRY: Alright! Mind your business!

[ As the Stooges leave the restaurant while dragging Bustoff behind them, the owner angrily slams the door right on Bustoff's head ]

RESTAURANT OWNER: AND STAY OUT!!!

[ The scene ends and the next scene begins inside of Bustoff's locker room at the fight arena. Bustoff is still unconscious, laying on a table shirtless and the Stooges are trying to revive him. Curly is pushing his legs back and forth, and Larry is waving a fan over him. ]

MOE: We'd better bring him to, or it'll just be too bad, fellas. [ pause ] Keep workin' on him - I got an idea.

[ Moe grabs a huge block of ice from a bucket and hands it over to Larry ]

MOE: Rub this ice on his chest.

[ Larry begins rubbing the ice over on Bustoff's bare stomach. Meanwhile, Curly is continuing to push Bustoff's legs back and forth, and he accidentally hits Larry on the chin with Bustoff's knee. ]

LARRY: Ooh!

[ Curly hits Larry's chin with Bustoff's knee again ]

LARRY: Hey, what's the matter witchoo?!

[ Curly pushes Bustoff's legs faster and suddenly, one of Bustoff's legs kick Curly himself right in the face ]

CURLY: OOH! Hmm!

MOE: [ to Bustoff ] Speak to us, Busty!

[ The two boxing managers are outside of the locker room and walk up to the door while speaking to each other ]

TONY: Bustoff's a-cinchin' and he can't lose!

BOXING MANAGER #2: But suppose--

TONY: No suppose…

[ Inside the locker room, the Stooges hear the managers speaking to each other outside ]

LARRY: Who's that?!

MOE: Go see!

[ Larry runs over to the locker room door ]

TONY: [ outside the door ] Hurry up and place that bet, Frank!

[ Larry opens the door and peeks out and notices the managers. He quickly slams the door shut again. ]

LARRY: Quick fellas - it's the boss!!

MOE: Come here!

[ Larry runs off-camera to the other Stooges. The camera focus on just the locker room door for a few seconds, then the boxing managers open the door. They stop in surprise when they look over and see the Stooges and Bustoff. The camera pulls over and reveals that Curly is doing Bustoff's nails, while Larry holds open a children's book, and Moe has Bustoff's head propped up on his lap. ]

MOE: And so, the big chief went riding through the woods, and he met two little Indians.

CURLY AND LARRY: [ like Indians ] Woob-woob-woob-woob-woob-woob!!

MOE: Quiet!

[ The boxing managers look at each other, then walk up to the Stooges. Tony taps Curly on the shoulder. ]

TONY: What's the matter? How's Bustoff?

CURLY: Shh!! He's sleeping like a little lamb!

TONY: That's great, that's great. He's on after this bout.

[ Another man walks in the locker room and speaks to Tony ]

MAN: Hey, boss, I got a chance to double your bet on Bustoff. What do ya think?

TONY: Take it, he's in swell shape! [ points to Bustoff ] Look! Sleepin' like a little baby. [ a beat ] Say, about the odds on that game…

[ The boxing managers and the man leave the locker room. Moe gets up from behind Bustoff and the Stooges walk over to each other. ]

MOE: Did you hear that? They're gonna double our bet, and this guy's as cold as a mackerel! We gotta do something - they'll moider us! Come on!

[ The Stooges turn their backs on Bustoff and walk around randomly, causing Larry to bump into Moe ]

MOE: Stand still! [ a beat ] Wait a minute! Lemme concentrate.

[ As the Stooges begin thinking, Bustoff on the table behind them regains consciousness and sits up ]

BUSTOFF: [ slurred ] I want a drink!

MOE: [ to Larry ] Oh, we're in trouble and you want a drink!

LARRY: I didn't say nothin'!

[ Bustoff hiccups loudly and the Stooges look behind him and then realize that Bustoff's awake. They all run over to him and drag him off the table. ]

LARRY: GET HIM UP!!

MOE: Take it easy, Bustoff! [ seats him on a chair ] Sit down! [ pulls Larry away by the hair ] Get out of the way! [ to Curly ] He's snappin' out of it. Get the liniment and give him a rubdown. I'll get the dough.

[ Curly begins searching through the lockers for liniment ]

MOE: [ to Bustoff ] Ohhh! Bustoff, you're a sweetheart! [ kisses him on the forehead ] I'll be right back.

BUSTOFF: [ slurred ] Ha haaaaaa!! Heh heh heh heh heh heh!

[ Moe exits the locker room ]

BUSTOFF: I want a drink!

LARRY: You'll get a drink! [ to Curly ] Get that liniment!

[ Curly is pulling various things out of a locker, hoping to find liniment ]

BUSTOFF: Heyyy you guys - gimme somethin' that'll straighten me out!

[ Curly tips the locker forwards towards him so he can see on the top shelf. Three dumbbells on top of the locker fall forward and knock Bustoff right on the head. ]

BUSTOFF: Aahhhhh!!

[ Bustoff falls forward off his chair and passes out on the floor. Larry looks on in horror. ]

CURLY: I can't find the liniment!

LARRY: Look whatcha done! [ points to Bustoff ]

CURLY: What happened???

LARRY: You knocked him cold with those dumbbells! [ to Bustoff ] Bustoff, speak to me! Speak to me!

CURLY: Say a few syllables!

LARRY: "Say a few syllables"?!! [ bonks Curly on the head with a dumbbell ]

CURLY: OOOOHHHHH!!!

[ Curly begins running away, but Larry chases him. Curly tries to run through a door. ]

LARRY: Oh, no ya don't!

[ Larry pushes Curly away, and Curly backs into a locker. The locker falls forward and crashes right over Bustoff's back. Curly and Larry look over and Larry coves his mouth in surprise. ]

CURLY: Who did that?!

[ Curly and Larry run over to Bustoff ]

LARRY: Get this locker right off quick!

[ Curly and Larry struggle to lift the heavy locker off of Bustoff ]

LARRY: Easy! Oh!

[ Outside the locker room, the two boxing managers are talking to each other ]

BOXING MANAGER #2: Best bet we ever made, boss.

[ Moe runs up to them ]

MOE: Well, boss - we got him here, and in swell shape, too! How about our 100 bucks?

TONY: I bet it for ya on Bustoff.

MOE: To win?!?

TONY: Certainly!

MOE: [ looks around nervously ] Oh! But-but--

TONY: What are ya squawkin' about? You'll at least double your money, then you'll get 200 bucks!

MOE: Double??? 200 bucks???

TONY: Sure.

MOE: Oh, boy!! Boy!!

[ Moe runs off, and the two managers looks at each other and smile ]

[ Moe re-enters the locker room ]

MOE: We're in the dough!

[ Moe trips over Bustoff, who's lying on the ground. Moe looks down at him. ]

MOE: What happened??? What happened???

LARRY: Nuttin'. [ points to Curly ] Only this puddin'-head dumped some dumbbells on his head.

MOE: [ looks at Curly ] Dumbbells?!?

CURLY: When the dumbbells fell off, the locker fell on him!

MOE: You mean you hit him with the locker, too?!!

CURLY: I didn't do it - the locker did!

[ Moe pokes Curly in the eyes ]

CURLY: OHH! Hmm!

[ Moe looks back down at Bustoff ]

MOE: He's out like a light! Now we are in a spot! We'd better get outta here, or they'll kill us! Come on!

[ The Stooges run over to the locker room entrance and open the door, only to see the two boxing managers standing outside talking to each other. Moe closes the door again, then turns the lock. Curly starts running over to another door in the locker room. ]

CURLY: Hey, fellas, come on!

[ Moe and Larry follow Curly and Curly tries to open the door, but it's locked ]

CURLY: It's locked - come on!

[ Curly begins running around the row of lockers in fast-motion, and Moe and Larry follow him. ]

CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!! Woo-woo-woo-woo! Come on, come on!

[ After running around in circles several times, Moe and Larry run out of breath and stop. ]

MOE: Whew! Tired!

[ Curly runs past Moe and Larry, still going in circles. He stops on the other side of the row of lockers, as Moe and Larry get confused and wonder where he is. ]

CURLY: [ on the other side ] Hey, come on, fellas!

[ Curly runs towards Moe and Larry, and Moe and Larry run towards Curly, causing them all to bump into each other. ]

MOE AND LARRY: OHH!!

[ Moe and Larry fall over, as Curly resumes running around the lockers in a circle. ]

CURLY: WOOO-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!!

[ Moe grabs Curly and finally stops him ]

MOE: Hey! Whaddaya doin'?!

CURLY: I'm runnin' away!

[ Moe bonks Curly on the head with a dumbbell, then accidentally bounces the dumbbell back into his own head. Moe leans his head back, and bonks it into Larry's head. ]

LARRY: Ohh!

[ Moe throws the dumbbell down the floor, hitting Curly's foot ]

CURLY: OW!!

[ Larry looks over and notices a window ]

LARRY: The window!

[ Larry rushes towards the window and dives at it, but it's barred from the outside. Larry ends up banging his head right into the bars. ]

LARRY: OHHHH!!!! My head!!

[ Moe and Curly run over to the window ]

MOE: [ pushing Larry out the way ] Spread out!!

[ Moe and Curly try to see if they can pry the bars, but they can't. The Stooges all walk to the middle of the locker room in disappointment. ]

MOE: We're trapped!

CURLY: Towards of failure! It's kismet!

MOE: Now our goose is cooked!

[ Larry looks at Curly, then gets an idea ]

LARRY: I got it! [ to Curly ] You look like Bustoff - you wrestle in his place!

CURLY: What??? Me wrestle Ironhead?! I don't know how to wrestle! He'll kill me!

MOE: [ grabs Curly by the collar ] So what?! Tony'll kill us all! It's better for one to die than three, so we decided on you!

CURLY: A victim of coicumstance! [ a beat ] But I'll do it!

[ The scene ends and the next scene begins with Curly sitting in a chair in the locker room as Moe and Larry are gluing a beard on Curly's face. The camera shows a clean-shaven Bustoff lying unconscious on the ground and we realize that's his beard that's glued on Curly's face. ]

MOE: It's a good thing I knew somethin' about make-up when I was a kid. [ to Larry ] Makes a sweet Bustoff, don't he?

[ Curly smiles ]

[ The two boxing managers walk outside of the locker room door and try to open it, but it's locked. ]

BOXING MANAGER #2: Open the door. Bustoff's on next.

MOE: [ yelling to the door ] Okay, boss! We'll be ready in a minute.

[ Moe continues to trim Curly's fake beard with scissors, but accidentally clips Curly's skin ]

CURLY: OOH!!

MOE: [ slaps Curly ] They're out there!

CURLY: Hmm!

[ Larry puts a towel over Curly's head ]

BOXING MANANGER #2: [ knocking on the door ] Come on! We gotta get in!

[ The Stooges grab Bustoff by the legs and quickly drag him behind the row of lockers to hide him ]

BOXING MANAGER #2: [ pounding harder on the door ] Will you open this door?!!!? [ to Tony ] Come on.

[ The two managers run at the door and burst it open with their shoulders. Inside the locker room, Moe and Larry come from behind the row of lockers, holding Curly. With Bustoff's robe on, the towel over his head, and the fake beard, the managers think that Curly really is Bustoff. ]

TONY: [ to Curly ] Ohh, ya had me worried for a minute, kid! Come on, we got the works bet on ya! Ya gotta win tonight!

[ Moe gets a nervous look on his face as they all leave the locker room ]

[ The scene ends and the next scene begins inside the fight arena. Bustoff's opponent, Ironhead, steps outside of the ring, followed by Curly disguised as Bustoff stepping outside the ring. The audience in the arena is booing. ]

CURLY: [ sticking his tongue out at the crowd ] EHHH!!!

[ Ironhead gracefully jumps over the ring bars and into the ring. Curly tries to do the same, but he ends up tripping over the ring bars and falling flat on his face with his foot stuck in the bars. ]

CURLY: OOMPH!!

[ Moe and Larry run up to him ]

MOE: You…!

[ Moe and Larry struggle to get Curly's foot out from in between the ring bars ]

CURLY: Oooh!! Ahhh! Ohh!

[ After finally freeing Curly's foot, Moe lifts him up ]

MOE: What's the matter - you wanna embarrass us?!

[ Curly lifts his arms and shakes his hands together in the air happily ]

MOE: [ bonks Curly on the head ] Come on!

CURLY: OH!!

[ In the audience, Tony looks carefully at "Bustoff" (Curly) and starts to get a suspicious look on his face ]

[ Moe drags Curly over to Curly's stool in one corner of the ring, where Larry is sitting back and sleeping on, snoring loudly. Moe sits Curly right on top of Larry. ]

CURLY: Sit down.

LARRY: [ waking up ] OHH!!

MOE: [ grabs Larry by the hair ] Get up outta there and get busy here!

[ Moe and Larry begin patting Curly's legs. Moe notices that Curly's left leg keeps shaking ]

MOE: What's the matter, kid? You nervous?

CURLY: Nahhh… [ a beat ] I'm scared!

MOE: Yeah???

[ The bell rings, starting the round. Moe and Larry stand Curly up. ]

MOE: Ya ready?

CURLY: No!!

[ Moe and Larry yank Curly's robe off. Curly is wearing a black bodysuit with short sleeves. ]

MOE: Go!

[ Curly steps further inside the ring and walks up to Ironhead. Ironhead sticks out his big chest in front of Curly. ]

CURLY: [ fearfully ] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!

[ Curly backs away from Ironhead and keeps trying to avoid him. Curly then looks back at Moe and Larry. ]

CURLY: How'm I doin'??? Ha ha ha!

[ Suddenly, Ironhead grabs Curly from the shoulders and lifts him up ]

CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!!

[ Ironhead throws Curly out of the ring and into the audience stands. Curly's gets stuck upside down with his head lodged in between an empty fold-up seat. ]

CURLY: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!!

[ Moe and Larry rush up to Curly and push the nearby audience members aside ]

MOE: Outta the way!

[ Moe and Larry grab Curly by the legs and try to lift him up over and over, but his head keeps banging into the folded-up seat that he's lodged in. ]

CURLY: OHHHHHHH!! OHHHHHHHH!! UGHHH!!

[ Moe and Larry finally get Curly out ]

MOE: What's the matta witchoo?!! GET UP!!

[ Moe and Larry turn Curly right-side up. Curly's fake beard is half-peeled off of his face. ]

CURLY: What happened??? What happened??? Where am I???

MOE: He threw you out the ring, puddin'-head! [ slaps Curly ]

CURLY: Oh!

MOE: Come on, get up!

[ Tony notices "Bustoff"'s beard peeling off ]

TONY: That ain't Bustoff!! [ to the other boxing manager ] Come on!

[ They both get up from their seats and head towards the Stooges ]

[ Outside of the wrestling ring, Moe and Larry smoosh the fake beard back fully onto Curly's face ]

MOE: [ looking up at the ring ] Get up there!

[ Curly struggles to climb up into the ring, then Moe and Larry push Curly forward to help him. Curly suddenly runs forward, and bumps head-first into the referee's stomach, knocking the ref backwards out of the ring. ]

[ Ironhead grabs Curly by the head and flips him around, slamming his body into the ring floor ]

CURLY: UUGHH!!

[ Curly gets up as Ironhead backs up and gives himself room, then prepares to run towards Curly. As he charges head-first at Curly, Curly dazedly staggers out of the way, causing Ironhead to crash his head right into one of the ring roles. He falls backwards and passes out. People in the audience are yelling stuff at Curly, and Curly looks around in confusion. ]

MOE: Ya got him! Pin 'im down!! Pin 'im down!!

[ Curly searches around his wrestling uniform ]

CURLY: But I ain't got no pins!

MOE: [ to Larry ] Ohh! He ain't got a pin!

LARRY: Get him one!

MOE: [ slaps Larry ] Come on!! You, too?!!

[ Curly looks at a woman with pins sitting nearby in the audience ]

CURLY: Oh!

[ Curly walks over and leans down to the woman ]

CURLY: I wanna borrow your pins, toots! [ grabs one of her pins ] HMM!!

[ Curly takes the pin and crawls back in the ring over to the unconscious Ironhead, and then tries to literally pin his boxing shorts to the floor. ]

MOE: PIN HIS SHOULDERS DOWN!!! HIS SHOULDERS, PUDDIN'-HEAD!!

CURLY: Ohh, his shoulders! Sure, sure!

[ Curly reaches over to Ironhead's shoulders and sticks him in the shoulders with the pin ]

IRONHEAD: OUCH!!! Why--

[ Ironhead tries to throw Curly backwards with his legs, then leans forward on top of Curly. Curly jabs his pin at Ironhead again, this time poking his behind with it. ]

IRONHEAD: OUCH!!!

CURLY: Ha ha ha!!

[ Ironhead leans forward on top of Curly again and Curly jabs Ironhead's behind with the pin another time ]

IRONHEAD: OUCH!!

CURLY: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

[ Ironhead grabs Curly's leg with his own legs. Curly holds up his pin. ]

CURLY: HMM!!!

[ Curly jabs the pin forward, hoping to poke Ironhead's leg, but he ends up poking his own leg. ]

CURLY: OHHH!!! OOOOH!! OOOH! OOH!

[ Curly reaches forward and jabs Ironhead's leg with the pin ]

IRONHEAD: OOOOUCH!!!!

[ Curly tries to poke Ironhead with the pin once more, but Ironhead grabs his arm and stops him. He turns Curly around and grabs him by the leg. Curly's head is leaning out of the ring and is nearby a row of audience members eating on a table. ]

CURLY: OOHH!!

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Come on! Get him!

[ Ironhead begins twisting Curly's foot back and forth ]

CURLY: HAAAAHH!! Woo-woo-woo-woo! [ biting his fist ] AHHH!! AHH!!! HAHHH!

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Come on and give it to him! Go on, ya sissy!

[ Curly notices the woman has a sandwich in her hand, and he grabs it away and begins eating it while he's still getting his foot twisted ]

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Oh! How do you like that! [ stands up ] Give me my--

[ Curly pushes her face back down as he continues chomping on the sandwich ]

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: [ stands back up ] You can't do that to me! Gimme--

[ Curly pushes her face back down again, then grabs her soda bottle on the table and drinks from it ]

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Wh-- Well--

[ Ironhead twists Curly's foot harder and harder ]

CURLY: Woo-woo! OHHHH!!!! OHHHHH!!!! HMM!!!! [ continues eating the sandwich ]

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: [ angrily sits back down ] Well, I like that!

[ As Curly drinks from the bottle again, he suddenly stops then looks back at Ironhead ]

CURLY: HMMMM!!!

[ Curly swings the bottle back at Ironhead, smashing the bottle on his head. In pain, Ironhead releases Curly's foot and holds his own head. ]

CURLY: [ holding his leg in pain ] Ohhhhhhhoohhhhh!! Ohh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!!

[ Ironhead grabs for Curly, but Curly quickly jumps out of the ring ]

CURLY: [ sticking his tongue out] Nahhhhh!!!

[ Meanwhile, the two boxing manages walk up behind Moe and Larry, who are both shouting across the arena to Curly ]

MOE: What's the matta with ya?! How do ya like--

[ Moe looks back and jumps when he notices the boxing managers ]

MOE: Hiya, boss!

TONY: What'd ya do with Bustoff?

MOE: Now listen, boss - we--

TONY: Shut up, you double-crosser, and get this - that fathead of yours is wrestlin' for my dough…and if he loses this bout-- [ sticks his hand in his pocket and points it like a gun at Moe's chest ]

MOE: Now listen, boss - he will win it, sure as life! He's-a just warmin' up. [ points up at the ring ] Look, see?

[ Moe and Tony look up at the ring and both do a double-take when they see Ironhead spinning Curly around in circles by the arms ]

CURLY: Hey! You're makin' me dizzy! Hey!

[ Ironhead throws Curly into the referee ]

MOE: [ nervously ] Warmin' up… [ clears throat ]

[ Moe starts sniffing around, then looks behind him and notices the same woman from before in the restaurant putting Wild Hyacinth perfume on her face again ]

MOE: Wild Hyacinth! Oh, boy! [ snatches the bottle of perfume away ] Lemme take that! [ to Tony ] If this don't win the wrestlin' match - I'll eat the ring!!

[ Moe crawls into the ring and run over to Ironhead and Curly. Ironhead has Curly lifted over his shoulders and is spinning Curly around. ]

CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!

[ Moe tosses some Wild Hyacinth on Curly's face while Ironhead continues to spin Curly around ]

MOE: Take it easy!

[ Moe accidentally gets some Wild Hyacinth on Ironhead's face as well. Ironhead quickly drops Curly down on the floor of the ring and looks at Moe. Moe crouches down next to Curly and pours more Wild Hyacinth on his nose. ]

MOE: Come on, kid!

[ Curly gets a whiff of the Wild Hyacinth and starts panting heavily and slapping his face ]

CURLY: Woo-woowoowoowoowoowoo!!

[ Curly stands up and begins rapidly running in place. Moe nods his head and smiles, and then ducks back out of the ring and lets Curly do his thing. ]

[ In fast motion, Curly slaps Ironhead in the face twice, kicks him in the stomach, and knocks him down. ]

CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!!

[ Ironhead tries to get back up. Curly runs behind Ironhead, then charges head-first into Ironhead's behind, knocking him back down. ]

CURLY: WOOOOOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!!

[ Moe and Larry are turning their heads rapidly back and forth, trying to keep up with Curly's wild actions. ]

[ Curly kicks Ironhead backwards onto the floor, slaps his body down, then runs behind him ]

CURLY: WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!!! WOO-WOO-WOO!!!

[ Curly jumps above Ironhead and lands right on his stomach, knocking him unconscious. Curly then begins trying to pin Ironhead's body down, bobbing up and down over and over again ]

CURLY: GRRRRR!! RARRRRR!!! RARRRRR!!! RARRR!!

[ The referee begins counting Ironhead out ]

REFEREE: One…two…

[ The referee taps Curly on the shoulders to congratulate him. Curly lifts up the referee and throws him into the audience stands. ]

CURLY: [ rapidly running in place ] WOO-WOO!! WOO-WOO!!

[ Moe and Larry rush into the ring ]

MOE: Take it easy, kid! [ to Larry ] Tickle his feet!! Tickle his feet!

[ Larry reaches down to Curly's feet, but Curly kicks his leg forward and hits Larry right in the face ]

LARRY: OOOPH!!

MOE: [ patting Curly on the head ] Easy, now, kid! Easy, easy!

[ Curly grabs Moe by the head and flips him over forward, bodyslamming him onto the ring. Moe immediately dives back up and grabs Curly by the legs, causing Curly to fall forward. Moe and Larry are trying to take off Curly's shoes to tickle his foot. ]

[ Curly reaches ahead of him and starts ripping out the bell nearby. ]

BELL RINGER: Hey, let go of that! Let go of that!!

[ Moe and Larry stop trying to take off Curly's shoes and begin arguing with each other. ]

LARRY: Hold him--

MOE: [ slaps Larry ] What are you stallin' about?!!

LARRY: It's your fault!! Hold him still!!

[ Curly successfully rips out the bell and stands up. He swings the bell forward and hits Larry, then Moe, on the heads with it and they both pass out. Two police officers enter the ring and try to approach Curly, but Curly knocks them out with the bell, too. Moe gets back up and walks up to Curly, but Curly knocks him back out with the bell. More and more people rush inside the ring to stop Curly, but they all get knocked out with the bell. ]

[ A police office is speaking into a phone receiver and watching the madness happening in the ring ]

POLICE OFFICER: Quick, for the love of Pete, send the riots squad right away!!

[ Back in the ring, Curly has knocked out about two dozen people now, and is swinging the bell back and forth aimlessly. As he continues swinging, the bell comes loose from the string and flies in the air. Curly looks around for the bell in confusion. ]

CURLY: Hmm??

[ The bell comes back down from the air and lands right on Curly's head, knocking him dizzy. He looks at the camera with a dazed, cross-eyed smile as we hear birds chirping around his head. ]

THE END