Schtick Figures (The Cool, the Comical, the Crazy)
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Transcribed By: Moron4392
Date Added: 2008-06-19
The short starts on a beautiful Spring day. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping.
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP):
(On a train car entitled "Penciltucky R. R. Co. SCHMOW").
(Which is the home of Shemp, Larry, Moe, Roberta and Lenore).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, LENORE, AND ROBERTA):
(Lenore and Roberta are sitting on a train bench and Larry is sitting on the arm rest beside Lenore, next to a radio).
(Shmep is in the background in the third train bench on the left hand side and is fast asleep).
(Larry stands up and turns on the radiow when a news announcement comes on).
RADIO ANNOUNCER: "News flash, a railroad car named SCHMOW, which was lost, traded or stolen is being sought by railway detectives. Mystery surrounds the disappearance of this car, which has been missing for several days. Each railroad detective beaux is on the trail, and results are expected momentarily."
LARRY to ROBERTA and LENORE: (Larry is wearing a torn underwear shirt gets up and turns off the radio and says in a worried sounding voice). "They'll never find us."
ROBERTA to LENORE: (Crying and with a look of sadness on her face says to Lenore). "Gosh sis, how long do we have to stay in this car?"
LENORE to ROBERTA: (Referring to Shemp). "Until we get that sleeping beauty back there to marry you."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP):
(Shemp who is thoroughly drunk, and fast asleep in the train car with a "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN" around his neck and is saying in his sleep). "Abba, abba, wabba, wabba, wooba, wooba."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of wonder on his face and a bit of madness in his voice says to Lenore in reference to Roberta about Shemp). "En, why does your older sister have to get married before you can marry me?"
LENORE to LARRY: "I'ts an old family tradition, and besides he's filthy with money."
LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of who cares on his face says in reference to Shemp). "Aih, he's filthy with or without."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON ROBERTA, LENORE AND LARRY):
(Roberta and Lenore are sitting on the bench and Larry is sitting on the arm rest).
LENORE to LARRY: "Just the same, with his money we'll live on East Street."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
LARRY to LENORE: (In reference to Roberta). "You don't think he will marry this bean pole?"
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON ROBERTA):
(Roberta has a hurt look on her face and is crying hysterically and she gets up and leaves her seat).
LENORE to LARRY: (Who is beyond mad at Larry, and with a hurt look on her face stands up and says). "How dare you insult my sister, you, you, you, Porcupine."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
LARRY to LENORE: (With a look of wonderment on his face says to Lenore). "What did I say now, ah shut up."
LENORE: (With a look of hate on her face grabs Larry by the hair and drags him back says). "Why you, get back here."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND LENORE):
LENORE to LARRY: (Both giving each other mad looks says). "Ooooh, who are you telling to shut up?"
LARRY to LENORE: (With a deep look of hate on his face). "You, and furthermore how would you like a bust in the nose?"
LENORE to LARRY: (With her fists clenched, and a mad look on her face and is shouting to Larry). "And who is gonna give it to me?"
LARRY to LENORE: (Shouting furiously and raising his fists to hit her says). "I'm gonna give it to you right in the ----------."
LARRY to LENORE: (Realizing what he has done, tones down his voice, and reaches over to Lenore and says in a loving tone of voice). "Baby."
LENORE to LARRY: (Also with a loving tone in her voice says to Larry). "Sweetheart."
(Then Larry and Lenore hug and make-up).
LARRY to LENORE: (Gives her a loving make-up hug and says to her). "I'm sorry darling, I will see what I can do with that sleeping beauty."
(SHEMP IS OFF CAMERA AND SNORING LOUDLY):
(Lenore has a look of whatever on her face and is fixing her hair while Larry is going over to the snoring Shemp).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND LARRY):
(Larry is walking up to Shemp who is fast asleep in the railroad bench and still wearing his "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN.")
(Larry takes a hold of the sign and snaps Shemp in the chin).
SHEMP: (Who is totally drunk, wakes up abruptly and has a dazed look on his face and says). "Oh, I shot, or have shot, or outta be shot."
SHEMP: "I guess I will have a shot."
(Shemp then turns to his left and picks up his musical moonshine jug that plays "How Dry I Am" and takes himself a guzzle).
(Shemp then takes himself a huge guzzle and while he is drinking it sky rockets and train whistles sound, and he is jumping up and down and says). "Horrible, but I like it."
LARRY to SHEMP: (After Shemp has his drink, Larry shakes his head and has a determined look on his face, sits down by Shemp and puts his hand on Shemp's shoulder and says). "Listen Shemp, why don't you sober up and marry Roberta?"
SHEMP to LARRY: (In a drunken and slurred speach says). "No, no, oh, no, no, sir, not me, oh, no, oh, no."
SHEMP: (The picks up his musical jug and takes another huge drink from it).
(Larry reaches over and takes the jug from Shemp's hands. Shemp not realizing what Larry has done is still guzzling away from an "imaginary" jug thinking it is the real one).
SHEMP: (Realizing that he was drinking from a "pretend" jug says). "Something's wrong, I got robbed, May Day."
SHEMP: (Gets up staggering and says). "Hey, dere."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE):
(Moe is getting out of a cab entitled: "Penciltucky R. R. Co. No. 428).
MOE: (Walking up to the train car entitled "Penciltucky R. R. Co. SCHMOW" and says). "Shew, at last I found it."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
(Larry has the jug in his hand and is opening a venetian blind on an opened window and tosses the jusg out the window and hits Moe on the head with it).
(Moe with a look of dazement on his face slides down the side of the train car to the ground).
(Larry after he realizes he has hit Moe on the head closes the blind after taking one last quick peek out of it runs away from the window to hide).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE DRUNKEN SHEMP):
SHEMP: (Is standing up on a seat, and is pulling down an upper level fold - away bed saying). "Little brown jug, where are you?"
SHEMP: (Stands up on the seat and is lowering the bed and hits himself in the head knocking himself down, then he gets up again and reaches up in the bed and gets another jug and says). "oh, oh, there you are."
SHEMP: (Gets the jug from the bed, hits his head on the bed again and says in a drunken voice and has a bewildered look on his face as he shoves the bed back up says). "Why you double crosser, you."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP):
(Shemp then sits down and says ah, and has a happy look on his face as he takes a nip from his jug).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
(Larry is running from the window with a scared look on his face and is waving his hand to Lenore and Roberta).
LARRY to LENORE and ROBERTA: "Hey Lenore, Roberta, come here quick, I seen a guy snooping out there, I think we're in trouble."
(Larry realizing the guy who was snooping was Moe, hides scared behind Lenore and Roberta).
LARRY to LENORE and ROBERTA: "Oh, oh, here he is."
(Moe is walking in wearing a detective badge on his tie and has his hands clenched in fists and a look of madness on his face).
(Moe then notices Roberta and he then has a look of happiness on his face, removes his hat, raises his arms in a gesture of hugging).
MOE to ROBERTA: (In a lovey tone of voice). "Roberta darling, Roberta darling, you're a sight for sore eyes."
MOE to ROBERTA: (Takes hold of her hands and smothers them with kisses and says). "At last I found you, I searched the world over and at last I found you."
ROBERTA to MOE: (With a look of happiness on her face and a happy sounding voice and clutching her hands in happiness says). "Oh, Moe, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh."
(Lenore has her hands on her hips and Larry with a look of dismay on his face are in the background when Moe is kissing Roberta's hand).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND LARRY):
(Moe has a look of dismay on his face and Larry has his hands on his hips and look of wonderment on his face when Larry tells Moe about Shemp's drinking problem and seeing canaries).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND CARRIE THE CANARY):
(Shemp is very well plastered and a bit delusional and he see's "Imaginary GIANT CANARIES").
MOE to LARRY: (In reference to Shemp and his canary problem). "I've heard of seeing elephants, but never canaries).
(Shemp is now totally drunk and is staggering and his friend Carrie appears).
SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he takes her by the wing says). "Hello baby, gosh you look prettier than ever, ha - ha - ha - ha."
CARRIE to SHEMP: (Responds to Shemp in bird talk). "Don't you love Roberta?"
SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he pats her on the beak says). "No gosh, you are the one I love."
CARRIE to SHEMP: (Shemp is still plastered and Carrie says in bird talk). "I love you too."
SHEMP to CARRIE: (Starts to sing and is dancing with her). "Oh, Carrie my dear, I love but you."
(Shemp then takes a hold of "Carrie" (his imaginary friend), by the wings and is dancing with her and "Carrie" is singing in bird language love words to Shemp).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE):
(They are looking at Shemp with looks of their faces as if to say that Shemp is totally crazy).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP):
(Shemp is dancing solo thinking he is dancing with his "friend Carrie").
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND LARRY):
(Moe and Larry both have scared looks o their faces).
LARRY to MOE: (In reference to Shemp). "Hey, that rum pot thinks he's dancing with someone."
MOE to LARRY: (Sounding totally scared says to Larry). "Give me that jug, maybe I'll think so too."
LARRY to MOE: (As he hands Moe the jug says). "Save a waltz for me."
(Moe is taking a big swig out of the jug and as he is doing that, you see Shemp dancing with Carrie).
(Moe is drinking from the jug, with Larry by his side. Shemp is dancing with Carrie, Shemp not realizing that he is by Moe lifts his foot and kicks Moe twice in the backside, Moe who is still drinking says in reference to the jug not knowing it was Shemp who kicked him says). "Boy, this stuff's really got a kick."
LARRY to MOE: (Waves his hand at Moe and has a look of dismay on his face says to Moe in reference to Moe and the jug). "You, too."
(Moe goes to take another swig from the jug and Shemp is still dancing with Carrie and he kicks Moe again in the backside which causes Moe to loose his balance and Moe throws the jug and hits Larry in the head and knocks Larry into a train bench).
MOE to SHEMP: (When he notices that it was Shemp who kicked him, turns around and grabs hold of Shemp and has a mad look on his face and shakes Shemp and says to him). "Whats the idea of kicking me?" (Then Moe gives Shemp an eye poke).
(Larry is still sitting in the train bench, with a hurt look on his face and Shemp is rubbing his eyes and still wearing his "DO NOT DISTURB SIGN").
SHEMP to MOE: (Crying and stomping his feet says to Moe). "Ooooh, ooooh, now you chased Carrie away."
MOE to SHEMP: (Tapping himself on the chest says to Shemp and his "Carrie Shenanigans"). "Ah, shut-up, you ain't kiddin' me with that stuff, and furthermore, you stay away from Roberta, she's my girl."
MOE to SHEMP: (Moe puts his hand on his chin, says to Shemp, put your hand on your chin, and your knee up here, Shemp puts his foot on an arm rest, raising his knee, then Moe takes his foot and kicks Shemp, causing Shemp to take his knee and he kicks himself right in the nose).
SHEMP to MOE: (Rubbing his sore nose and regaining his balance with a mad look on his face says to Moe in reference to Roberta). "That's okay, with me, I don't want her."
MOE to SHEMP: (Now has a mad look on his face and says to Shemp). "Oh, she's not good enough for you, eh?"
(Moe then slaps Shemp on the face, gives him an eye poke, and then hits him in the stomach, and then hits Shemp on the forehead and Shemp is yelling in pain).
SHEMP to MOE: (After Moe has beaten him up says to Moe, in pain and waving his hands says to Moe). "Okay, okay, then I'll take her."
MOE to SHEMP: (With a mad look on his face and is yelling at Shemp). "Oh, you're trying to cut me out again, eh?"
MOE to SHEMP: (As he puts his hand on his chin again, and raises his knee says to Shemp). "Up here again, Shemp once again puts his hand on his chin, and raises his knee, but this time instead of Moe kicking Shemp, Shemp kicks Moe hard sending Moe flying, loosing his balance and crashing his head into a "Boogie-Woogie Box" and Moe is yelling). "Who turned out the lights?"
(Shemp and Larry run over to help Moe).
SHEMP to MOE: (As Larry and Shemp are standing Moe up, Shemp says to Moe). "Just a minute pal, get up here."
(Shemp then helps Moe into a train bench still with the Boogie-Woogie Box on his head).
SHEMP to LARRY: (As Shemp and Larry are now removing the boogie-woogie box from Moe' head and Shemp says to Larry). "Take it easy now, get it up there, atta boy."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE):
(Once Shemp and Larry get it off of Moe, Moe is sitting there with a mad and painful look on his face and part of the boogie-woogie box on his head and Moe says in a hurtful voice). "Oh, my head."
SHEMP to MOE: (Moe is sitting there thoroughly mad at Shemp, Larry is standing behind Shemp, as Shemp approaches Moe and says). "Oh, I'll take care of this, kid."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND MOE):
(Shemp is removing the powder box piece from Moe's head and covers Moe with white powder).
SHEMP to MOE: (Says to Moe as Shemp hits Moe on the head and covers Moe with the powder). "Oh, you got dandruff, that's all right, I'll clean it up, you take it easy."
(Shemp is now taking his suit coat sleeve and is trying to remove the powder from Moe's head but totally covers Moe with the powder).
SHEMP to MOE: (As Shemp goes to get a rag to clean Moe up with says). "Take it easy kid, I'll clean you up."
MOE to SHEMP: (Larry is in the background and Moe is standing up and looking at Moe and says to Shemp). "Wise guy."
(Then Moe and Shemp are having a face smacking fiasco).
LARRY to MOE: (Larry then approaches Moe, taps him on the shoulder and says to Moe). "Hey."
(Moe then turns around and slaps Larry on the face).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND MOE):
SHEMP to MOE: (With a perplexed look on his face says to Moe). "Now, where were we?"
MOE to SHEMP: "Right here." (Then Moe starts the face slapping party once again).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP STILL HOLDING HIS RAG):
(Moe is straightening up his suit jacket still covered with powder and has a dazed look on his face and Shemp is staggering around).
SHEMP: "Where's Carrie?, here Carrie, Carrie, Carrie." (Moe then gives Shemp one final slap on his face).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON ROBERTA, LENORE, SHEMP, MOE, AND LARRY):
(Lenore, Roberta, Moe, and Larry are sitting in the train bench and Shemp is perched on the arm rest).
(Lenore is reaching into a picnic basket and is taking out several sandwiches).
LENORE to THE STOOGES: "I know you boys are gonna love these fresh Limburger sandwiches and nice cold beer."
(Lenore then hands Shemp, Larry, and Moe a sandwich).
MOE: (In general convesation and with a happy sounding voice says). "Oh boy, Limburger, my favorite fruit, now if we only had some applesauce."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
(Larry with a look of joy on his face is picking up his sandwich and is taking a bite off of it, then he set's his sandwich down and is happily eating a stalk of celery).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE):
MOE: (In general conversation and with a surprised look on his face after he has taken a couple bites of his sandwich and smells it says). "Boy, is this stuff potent."
(Larry reaches down to get his beer, and he is trying to open it with his teeth and doesn't succeed, then with a mischievous look on his face goes over to Moe who is eating his sandwich and Larry decides to us Moe's ear as a bottle opener and Moe shouts). "Ow, ow, ow."
MOE to LARRY: (Moe has a mad look on his face and is mad at Larry. Larry is holding his beer. Moe picks up a stalk of celery and hits Larry on the head with it and says). "What's the matter with you?"
LARRY to MOE: (With his beer in his hand and a mouth full of sandwich mumbles to Moe). "What did I do?"
(Moe is now eating his sandwich and Larry is drinking his beer).
(Larry is guzzling down his beer and spills some of it on his shirt and hiccups and sets down his sandwich and says). "Boy, it's hot in here."
(Larry then has a very happy look on his face as he shakes his beer and pours in on his chest to cool himself off).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP):
SHEMP: (With his Limburger sandwich is his left hand and his stalk of celery in his right hand which he is using as a fan and says in reference to his sandwich). "They outta bury this."
(CAMERA IS NOW BACK ON LARRY):
(Larry who is now somewhat drunk. Has a happy look on his face, goes to pick up his sandwich then he notices an empty paper plate and picks it up and makes a sandwich out of his paper plate and the other one and happily takes a bite).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON MOE AND A CUTE LITTLE SKUNK):
MOE: (With a perplexed look on his face as he is trying to enjoy his sandwich says). "Eek, hun."
(The cute little skunk is now on a train bench just behind Shemp and Shemp is holding his nose and eating his sandwich).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY):
LARRY: (With beer on his shirt, and a look of joy on his face and still is eating his "paper plate" sandwich beats himself on the chest to help get it down and then rubs his hands together and says). "Ah, ah, ah."
(Then Larry takes a drink of his beer and goes back to his sandwich).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP WITH THE CUTE LITTLE SKUNK BEHIND HIM):
SHEMP: (Still holding his nose and is eating his sandwich then he says). "The cheese has no flavor if you can't smell it."
SHEMP: (Sniffs the air and says about what he thinks is the sandwich). "Wow, what a flavor."
MOE to SHEMP: "Yeh, it's getting stronger every second."
LARRY to MOE: "That's Limburger."
MOE to LARRY: (With a surprised look on his face says to Larry who has a happy look on his face). "Yeh, but what's on it?"
LARRY to MOE: "Fish meal."
MOE to LARRY: (As he puts down his sandwich and says to Larry in reference to the fish meal). "I'll fix that."
(Moe then picks up a satchel and takes out a perfume bottle).
MOE to LARRY: (Turns to Larry and his sandwich). "I'll put some perfume on it."
LARRY to MOE: (With a mad look on his face and a mad tone in his voice says to Moe in reference to the perfume). "Hey, don't spoil my sandwich with that stinky stuff, I've got a weak stomach."
LARRY to MOE: (Larry takes the perfume bottle and squirts Moe with it and says). "How do you like it?"
(Moe then takes the perfume bottle from Larry, thinking that he is gonna spray Larry in the face with it but ends up squirting himself with it).
(Larry is next to Moe eating his sandwich and Moe licks the perfume off of his face and says). "Hum, pretty good."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND THE LITTLE SKUNK):
SHEMP: (Is sitting on the arm rest of a train bench eating his sandwich with the skunk on his right shoulder and says in a happy voice when he sees it). "Oh, a pussy-cat."
(Moe and Larry look over at Shemp and notices the skunk on his shoulder and Moe leans back towards Larry with a scared look on his face while Larry also has a scared look on his face).
MOE to SHEMP: (Yells to Shemp). "Unh, unh, unh, that's no pussy cat you imbecile, that's a skunk."
SHEMP: (Has a scared and surprised look on his face and starts to say). "So, what if its----------"
(When Shemp has realized what Moe has said, Shemp still holding his sandwich yells out). "Skunk, wooo, wooo."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LENORE AND ROBERTA):
(When they have noticed the cute skunk both scream out of scaredness and Lenore and Roberta put clothes pins on their noses and cover themselves with a blanket).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE STOOGES):
(They have terrified looks on their faces and scared out of their wits about the skunk).
MOE to SHEMP: (Shemp still has the little skunk on his shoulder and Moe yells to him). "Get rid of it, watch yourself."
SHEMP to MOE: (Says to Moe in panic). "I will."
(Shemp takes the skunk from his shoulder and in panic accidentally throws it at Larry, who in turn is scared and throws it at Moe, who then throws it at Shemp, as Shemp says in panic as he throws it back at Larry). "I don't want it."
(Then in panic Shemp once again throws the cute, little skunk back to Larry, who in panic throws it to Moe as Moe says). "Een, een, een."
(Moe then turns his back and in panic tosses the skunk not knowing where it has landed).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP WITH THE CUTE SKUNK ON HIS HEAD):
SHEMP to MOE: (With a horrified look on his face and a panic sound in his voice shouts). "Moe, Moe."
MOE to SHEMP: (When he has noticed the skunk on his head says). "Unh, unh, unh."
SHEMP to MOE: (Now terribly horrified shouts). "Mooooooe."
(Larry is standing next to Moe scared and Moe picks up Larry's empty beer bottle).
MOE to SHEMP: (With the bottle in his hand says). "Hold still, hold still, I'll kill it."
(Moe approaches Shemp with the bottle intending to hit the skunk. The skunk gets away and Moe hits Shemp on the head with the beer bottle).
MOE to SHEMP: (As Shemp now in pain falls back a bit and Moe puts his hand on his shoulder says). "Sorry kid, sorry, say a few syllables, tell me your name so I can tell your mother."
SHEMP to MOE: (In a low hurtful voice and a hurt look on his face says to Moe). "My mother knows my name."
MOE to SHEMP: (Now mad slaps Shemp on the face and says). "Get away, snap out of it."
(Moe is shaking Shemp by the face to straighten him up).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON THE CUTE, LITTLE SKUNK):
(The skunk is walking down the aisle way and leaves).
LENORE and ROBERTA: (Removes the blanket from themselves and the clothes pins off their noses and says). "Ah, ah, ah."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP, LARRY, AND MOE):
(Moe and Larry are standing up. Larry is buffing his shoes, and Moe is shaving, and Shemp now drunk again sitting in the bench in front trying to light a cigarette).
SHEMP: "What do ya know, wet matches."
(Shemp then tosses the matches and the cigarettes over his shoulder).
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LENORE AND ROBERTA):
(Lenore and Roberta are sitting on a bench. Lenore is holding her pocketbook and Roberta is crying and holding a handkerchief).
ROBERTA to LENORE: (Still crying says). "Shemp will never propse to me."
(Lenore and Roberta still in the bench. Roberta is crying and blowing her nose loudly in her handkerchief).
LENORE to ROBERTA: (As Lenore is getting up says to Roberta). "There, there, dear, I will go and have a talk with him."
(Lenore is walking up to Shemp who is taking a nip from his jug).
(Lenore is standing in front of Shemp with her hands on her hips as Shemp finishes his drink and train whistles and sky rockets sound).
SHEMP: "Horrible, but delicious."
(Lenore then walks up to Shemp, with Larry and Moe in the background shaving and she sits down next to Shemp).
LENORE to SHEMP: "Oh Shemp, why do you always drink twice too much."
SHEMP to LENORE: (With a sheepish look on his face says). "To get rid of my red nose."
LENORE to SHEMP: "How can you get rid of a red nose by drinking?"
SHEMP to LENORE: (Who is totally drunk and laughs says). "Drink until it turns blue."
(Lenore then turns from Shemp and puts her hand on her chin with a look of wonder on her face).
SHEMP to LENORE: (Who is totally plastered says). "That's a dilly, ain't it."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY AND MOE):
MOE to LARRY: (As they are still sprucing themselves up. Larry says to Moe as he nods his head to get Moe to come to a quieter place). "Hey pal, I got an idea, how you can get Roberta to marry you."
MOE to LARRY: (With a happy look on his face and a happy sounding voice says to Larry). "Yeh, follow me."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP AND LENORE):
LENORE to SHEMP: (As they are sitting together on a bench she says to him in a very caring voice). "Shempie dear, what you need is a wife to straighten you out, and I know someone who is very close to you and loves you dearly."
SHEMP to LENORE: (With a look of happiness on his face says). "Gosh, this is so sudden, I didn't know you cared, why didn't you tell me?"
(Shemp then takes a hold of Lenore's hand and is kissing it while Lenore is sitting there in total dazement).
SHEMP to LENORE: (All happy and excited says to Lenore). "Baby, whoopie, I love you."
SHEMP to LENORE: (As Shemp is kissing Lenore's hand, Moe's razor still on falls down the back of Shemp's shirt, and Shemp not knowing it, causing Shemp to laugh hysterically and dancing with glee says to Lenore). "Baby, you send chills up and down my spine."
(Shemp still being tickled by the razor and laughing and dancing in delight reaches over and gives Lenore a kiss on her lips).
(After Shemp gives Lenore a kiss, Lenore also has a contented look on her face).
(Then Lenore reaches over to Shemp to give him another big kiss, all the while neither one of them knows about the razor down Shemp's shirt, as they are kissing, Larry is walking up and sees them, and Roberta who still is crying also sees them, both Larry and Roberta have looks of disgust and hurt on their faces).
(Larry is mad at Shemp and Shemp is still bouncing from the razor down his shirt).
LARRY to SHEMP: "Hey, hey, that's my girl, nobody kisses her but me."
LENORE to LARRY: (As she goes back to kissing Shemp and says to Larry). "Sit down, and you might learn something."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON LARRY, SHEMP, ROBERTA, AND LENORE):
(Roberta comes running over to Shemp very hurt, while Larry is standing there mad, and Shemp still not knowing about the razor down his shirt is jumping up and down laughing and dancing says in glee after kissing Lenore and says). "What chills, what thrills."
(Shemp still with the razor down his shirt and is dancing in glee and laughing hysterically in delight goes over to Robertal and gives her a big kiss. Lenore is sitting with a really happy and contented look on her face).
ROBERTA: (After Shemp has given her a big kiss has a happy look on her face and Shemp is dancing in glee she says). "Ah."
(Smoke come from Roberta's mouth and Shemp is totally happy and says). "Eeb, eeb, eeb."
ROBERTA to SHEMP: (Now thoroughly happy grabs Shemp again and is kissing him saying). "Oh, oh, oh, oh."
(Moe is by Shemp's side in a really mad mood, with Larry standing behind Moe mad, and Roberta is standing in front of Shemp awesomely happy).
MOE to SHEMP: (Pulls Shemp away from Roberta and says in a mad voice to Shemp). "You can't kiss my girl."
ROBERTA to MOE: "Beat it husband, you're turned down again."
(Then Roberta goes back to kissing Shemp still with the razor down his shirt).
MOE to ROBERTA: (Beyond mad at her and Shemp pulls Roberta away from Shemp and as she is leaving and crying Moe shouts). "Get outta here, you two timer."
LARRY to LENORE: (As he pulls her from her bench and gives her a light shove says to her in a mad voice). "You too, you three timer."
(Shemp still with the razor down his shirt is laughing and dancing hysterically and in glee).
(Both Moe and Larry who are super mad at Shemp go to hit Shemp in the face, but Shemp bends over and Larry and Moe hits each other in the face instead).
(After Moe and Larry have hit each other and are rubbing their faces and trying to get their balance back. Shemp who still has the razor down his shirt is laughing and jumping in glee, grabs hold of Moe and Larry by their necks and gives them a series of head clunks).
(Moe with his eyes rolled back and Larry with a total look of daze on his face both fall back into a bench totally knocked out).
(Shemp still with the razor is laughing hysterically and jumping happily at Moe and Larry).
(Both Lenore and Roberta are totally ga - ga over Shemp).
LENORE: (Says in a contened voice about Shemp). "Oh, what a man, I think I'll marry him."
ROBERTA to LENORE: (Totally mad at Lenore about what she said reaches over and slaps Lenore on the face and says). "Over, my dead body."
(Then Lenore and Roberta get into a fight over Shemp. Roberta hits Lenore, Lenore pulls Roberta's hair).
ROBERTA to LENORE: "You dumbkoff."
ROBERTA to LENORE: (Says). "You, dumbkoffer."
LENORE to ROBERTA: (Thoroughly mad at her, grabs hold of Roberta's hair and says). "Here, you could be my sister - in -law you two timing stranger."
ROBERTA to LENORE: (Mad a Lenore as she is pulling her hair says). "Don't you hit me, get away from me."
(CAMERA CLOSE-UP ON SHEMP):
(Shemp with the razor still down his shirt is laughing hysterically and jumping and dancing in circles with glee).
SHEMP: (Notices the razor down his shirt, and pulls the plug from the wall to turn the razor off and falls exhausted into his bench and gets his jug and takes a drink and says). "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
SHEMP: (After he takes a drink he jumps up and down from the impact and sky rockets and train whistles sound and Shemp says). "Oh, oh, boy."
(Shemp then hears Carrie chirp at him, Shemp then flicks his ear to bet a better sound and he looks and Carrie appears).
SHEMP to CARRIE: (Thorougly drunk as he stretches out his arms for Carrie says). "Carrie baby, my bird."
CARRIE to SHEMP: (As she runs over to see Shemp and says in bird talk to Shemp). "I love you."
SHEMP to CARRIE: (As he makes bird gestures to her says). "Sweetie pie, will you fly away with me?"
CARRIE to SHEMP: (In bird language says to Shemp). "Yes, I will my love."
CARRIE to SHEMP: (Turns around and starts to go to the back of the train and she says to Shemp). "My love, come follow me, my love."
(Then Carrie flits aways and disappears through the back train door).
(THE SHORT ENDS):
(Shemp is flapping his arms and walking like a bird and chirping following after Carrie. He tries to go through the door like Carrie, but instead he hits his head hard on the door and knocks himself out and falls flat on the floor. He has a hurt look on his face and once again sky rockets sound and train whistles blow).
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