Schtick Figures (The Cool, the Comical, the Crazy)
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Transcribed By: xraffle
Date Added: 2008-10-25
[The short opens up with this note: “In the Spring three young men’s fancies lightly turn to thoughts of – you know.”]
[Dissolve to a store called: “Metropole Flower Shop.” The stooges walk out of the shop. A dog is walking along with them. Moe is holding three bouquets of flowers. He throws one bouquet to Larry and then to Curly. The stooges smell the flowers. Cut to the dog which is holding a flower in its mouth.]
LARRY: Well, we’re all set.
CURLY: Ain’t love grand?! Woo woo woo woo.
MOE: Yeah, come on. Let’s get the car. [to the dog] Come on, Friday!
[The stooges enter the garage. We see a car leave the garage. As soon as the car leaves, we see the stooges exit the garage as well. Moe is driving a scooter and the scooter is pulling three wagons. Curly is in the wagon behind Moe, Larry is in the one behind Curly and the dog is on the last wagon.]
[We see the stooges riding down the streets. They finally arrive at their girlfriends’ house. When Moe stops the scooter in front of the house, the wagons crash against each other. The stooges get out of the wagon. The stooges stand up and they wipe each others’ back. Curly wipes Larry’s back while Moe wipes Curly’s back. They all turn around. Now, Larry wipes Curly’s back and Curly wipes Moe’s back. Moe turns around and Curly still continues to wipes Moe in the back and now he accidentally wipes Moe’s face when he turns around]
CURLY: Ah!
MOE: Wanna mess me up, eh? I oughtta!
[The dog sees another dog at the dog house. It approaches the other dog]
[The stooges take their bouquets of flowers and they smell it]
STOOGES: Ah!!
[The stooges shake their bouquets and dust flies everywhere. Curly sneezes]
MOE: Come on! [The stooges walk towards the house]
[Cut to the inside of the house where we see the three girls sitting down knitting. We hear a rhythmic knock on the door]
CORABELL: There they are!
[The girls stand up]
FLORABELL: Come in!
[The stooges enter and they stand in front of the girls]
MOE: Corabell!
LARRY: Florabell!
CURLY: Dorabell!
[Cut to the outside where we see the dog give the other dog a flower. They both enter the dog house]
[Cut back to the inside of the girls’ house]
[The stooges get down on their knees]
MOE: For the hundredth time…
STOOGES: Will you marry us?
DORABELL: This is so sudden.
CORABELL: You’ll have to ask father.
[Moe and Larry walk off-camera. Curly spins around]
CURLY: Eeeh!
[Curly walks backwards and bumps into Moe and Larry, who are standing next to the door. Mr. Bell walks in and the door hits Larry]
LARRY: Oh!
MOE: Mr. Bell, can we marry your---
MR. BELL: No! [hits Moe in the face with the door and closes it]
MOE: Oh!
CURLY: He can’t do that to us.
[Mr. Bells walks in again and the door hits Moe]
MOE: Oh!
MR. BELL: Are you three guys still here?
LARRY: Sure and we intend to say until you say yes!
CURLY: Hmm!
[Moe and Larry sit down on the couch. Curly is about to sit down on a spot where there are knitting needles.
CURLY: [to Mr. Bell] It’s a sit-down strike!
CURLY: [sees the knitting needles] Hmm!
[Curly grabs the knitting needles]
CURLY: Oh! Woo! [throws the knitting needles away and it lands on the chair right beside Mr. Bell]
MR. BELL: Why, I’ll have you thrown out of this house!
MOE: Is that so? Tell him a few syllables! [grabs Curly and pushes him towards Mr. Bell]
CURLY: Whoa! You can’t do that to us! We’re not interfering with interstate commerce. And we’re gonna sit right here. Nyuk nyuk nyuk
[Curly sits down on the chair next to Mr. Bell and he ends up sitting on the knitting needles]
CURLY: Ah! Haaah! Hey Moe, Larry! It’s got me! It’s biting me! Moe!
[Moe and Larry run up to Curly]
MOE: What is it?
CURLY: I think it’s an octopus! Get it!
MOE: Easy now! [starts yanking the needles out of Curly’s rear]
CURLY: Oh! Whoa!
[Larry helps Moe pull out the needles]
MR. BELL: Hey, wait a minute!
[Moe and Larry continue pulling out the needles. Curly starts grabbing and hitting Mr. Bell’s face]
MR. BELL: Ooh!
CURLY: Oh! Ohh!
CURLY: Oh! Oh! Oh!
MOE: [as he’s pulling out the needles] Easy now! The last one!
CURLY: Oh! Ah!
[Moe and Larry finish pulling out the needles from Curly’s rear]
LARRY: You alright?
MOE: How do you feel?
[Curly tries to sit down, but he quickly gets up in pain]
CURLY: Ohhh! Oh! You fellas sit down. I’ll picket!
[Curly takes out a sign from inside his jacket pocket. He holds it up. The sign reads: “To this place unfair to union suitors”. As he holds up the sign, he smiles to the girls. He then turns to Mr. Bell and gives him an angry look. He looks at the girls again and smiles. He then turns to Mr. Bell and sticks his tongue out. He then brings the sign up in front of Mr. Bell. He waves the sign back and forth and Mr. Bell follows it. Curly suddenly falls on the floor. The scene ends.]
[A new scene begins and we see a newspaper with a headline that reads: “Suitors in third week of sit down strike.”]
[Dissolve to Moe who is frying some eggs. Behind Moe is a tent where the stooges are sleeping in during their sit down strike.]
MOE: Come and get it!
CURLY: I can’t! I think I got a bite.
[We see Curly fishing for some fish that are in the fish tank]
MOE: Didn’t I tell you not to fish for those pets?
CURLY: But I had two strikes.
MOE: We’ll here’s a third one. [grabs the fishing pole from Curly and breaks it on Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh! Oh oh! You almost put me out.
[Larry comes out of the tent and suddenly we hear a whistle blow]
MOE: [to Larry] Got get the mail!
[Larry sticks his head out of the windows and grabs a bunch of mail from the mailman]
LARRY: [to the mailman] Thanks. [to Curly and Moe] Hey our fan mail’s growing.
[Moe and Curly approach Larry]
MOE: Oh boy! [grabs two piles of mail and gives one pile to Curly] Handle that!
CURLY: [as he’s looking through the mail] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk
[The stooges open up their mail]
MOE: Look! Here’s real-estate company gonna give us a lot as soon as we’re married.
LARRY: And here’s the guy will give us a ready-cut house.
MOE: Boy! A house and lot for nothing.
CURLY: What are we waiting for?
MOE: For papa to say yes, puddinhead! [flings Curly’s face]
CURLY: Oh!
[Cut to Mr. Bell’s room. Mr. Bell is talking on the phone while the Justice of the peace is sitting down]
MR. BELL: [on the phone] But Governor, they’ve been sitting in my house for three weeks. You’ve got to get them out. [hangs up the phone] Oh, he won’t do nothing.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: [stands up and gets ready to leave] Well, there’s nothing the justice of the peace can do then.
MR. BELL: [grabs the Justice] Oh yes there is!
[Cut to the stooges and the girls. They’re all looking through the mail]
FLORABELL: Furniture!
CORABELL: Oh look! A set of dishes!
DORABELL: And here’s some silverware.
LARRY: And a baby carriage.
CURLY: [throws the mail down on the floor] Woo woo woo!
MOE: What do you got?
CURLY: A gas bill!
MOE: Oh, what’s the matter with you?
[Mr. Bell and the Justice of the peace enter]
MR. BELL: [to the Justice] There they are, sheriff!
MOE: [to the Justice] We ain’t done nothing! You can’t arrest us.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: I’m not going to arrest you. I’m gonna marry you!
LARRY: We won the strike!
CURLY: Now we can get married!
[The stooges and the girls throw the mail up in the air and they all start cheering]
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: Hey, wait a minute! Quiet! Who’s gonna marry who?
MOE: Why we’re gonna---
CURLY: Oh, we never though of that.
MOE: Gee. I got an idea. Get those name pins. [points off-camera]
[The stooges grab the girls’ name pins]
MOE: [takes the Justice’s hat] Pardon me, Justice!
[The stooges put the name pins in the hat and Moe shakes it]
MOE: Take one!
[Larry takes a name pin out of the hat]
LARRY: I got Florabell!
FLORABELL: Honey! [hugs Larry and we hear his bones crack] Darling!
MOE: [grabs a name pin out of the hat] I got Corabell!
CORABELL: Oh darling! [hugs Moe]
CURLY: [grabs a piece of paper out of the hat] I get Stetson! Which one is she?
MOE: [slaps Curly in the head] Come on!
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: [grabs the name pin out of the hat and gives it to Curly] Here! There!
[A new scene begins outside an empty lot. We see a truck drive up and on the back of the truck are piles of wood. The stooges and the girls are sitting on top of the wood piles.]
MOE: This is it, driver! You better stop! Haha!
[The truck driver stops. Everyone gets out of the truck]
MOE: Well, here we are! Alright, women and children first.
[Cut to a sign that read: “This lot presented to the three sitdown suitors, Upland Realty Co.”]
MOE: [gets out of the truck] Out of the way! Well, there’s where your new home’s gonna be, girls. [to the truck driver] Where’s the carpenters?
DRIVER: There ain’t any! You build it yourself.
MOE: No carpenters? Well, we ain’t gonna build nothing. We’re on our honeymoon.
CURLY: Soitenly, I got married so I could retire. [turns around, sees Dorabell and flinches]
DORABELL: But you must build the house first, darling. [pinches Curly’s cheek]
[Curly gets flattered and he lays his head on Dorabell]
MOE: Nothing doing. I said, we’re on our honeymoon.
CURLY: Soitenly!
DORABELL: [to Curly] Oh now, darling!
FLORABELL: [to Larry] Tootsie-wootsie!
CORABELL: [to Moe] Little snookie-puss!
[The girls punch the stooges in the face and the stooges fall to the floor]
STOOGES: Oh!
FLORABELL: The honeymoon starts when the house is finished
[The truck leaves and dumps all of the piles of wood on the ground]
[A new scene begins at the same location, only this time, the house is partially built. The piles of wood are nailed together and the stooges are standing on top. Larry and Moe are sitting down, while Curly paces back and forth holding a sign that reads: “No Honeymoon. No Work.”]
CURLY: [looks down and sees how high he is] Woo woo woo woo
[Curly turns around and the other side of the sign reads: “Unfair to Union Husbands”]
[The girls look up at the stooges]
FLORABELL: You come down from there and get to work!
MOE: Nothing doing! We’re staying right here.
FLORABELL: I’ll bring ‘em down. [grabs a long wooden board]
CURLY: Nyah! Hey not that! Woo woo woo woo.
[Florabell hits a part of the partially-built house. That part gets destroyed and the stooges fall down. The stooges get up]
CORABELL: Now, you snap out of it and get to work.
CURLY: But we was going down---
DORABELL: You start a fire for breakfast while we go to the store!
[Corabell and Dorabell turn around]
FLORABELL: Get going! [takes the wooden board and gets ready to strike the stooges but they duck, so she ends up hitting Corabell and Dorabell on the back of their heads]
CORABELL & DORABELL: Ow!
FLORABELL: [points at the stooges] They did it!
MOE: Oh, we didn’t, darling!
[The stooges run away]
CORABELL: Strike me, would you? Oh, you brute!
[A new scene begins with Moe and Larry pushing back the part of partially-built house that Florabell destroyed]
MOE: Now go on out and get a board so we can prop this up.
LARRY: Ok
MOE: Hurry up!
[Larry walks up to the pile of wood and tries to yank out a board, but he’s having a hard time. The board he’s trying to yank has some nails sticking out at the end. After he tries to yank a few times, he finally is able to yank out the board. Larry starts falling backwards and he ends up hitting Moe with board. The part with the nails sticking out hits Moe]
MOE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Moe holds his rear in pain and the part of the house he was holding onto ends up falling down on him]
LARRY: What d’ya let go for?
[Moe gets up, grabs a board and chases after Larry as he runs away]
[Cut to Curly who is cementing the floor.]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!
LARRY: Oh!
[Larry and Moe run by the wet cement and destroy it]
CURLY: Hey! What’s the idea? You’re ruining cement! Hmm! Hmm!
[Larry runs by a pile of wood. On to of the pile is a wooden board sticking out. As Moe runs after Larry, he hits his head on the wooden board and falls on the floor. Larry sees Moe on the floor, so he runs away]
[Cut to Curly who is fixing the cement that Moe and Larry destroyed]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
[Larry and Moe run around Curly and they ruin the cement again.]
LARRY: Oh!
[Moe hits Larry with the board a few times]
LARRY: Ow!
[Larry runs away from Moe and Moe chases after him]
CURLY: Hmm! Hmm hmm! Hmmmm! Hmm mm! [Curly whimpers as he fixes the cement again]
[Larry is hiding under the partially built house. Moe walks by and sees Larry. He tries to strike Larry with the board, but Larry dodges it and Moe accidentally hits the pipe. The pipe starts spraying water.]
MOE: Oh!
[Moe sticks his finger in the pipe to stop the spraying, but his finger is caught]
MOE: Hey Larry! Help me, my finger’s caught!
LARRY: Are you sure?
MOE: I’m sure! I can’t get it out!
LARRY: That’s all I want to know. [kicks Moe in the rear]
MOE: Ow! Oh!
[Larry grabs a wooden board and breaks it on Moe’s rear]
MOE: Ow, I’ll kill you!
[As Larry turns around to get another board, Moe gets his finger free.]
LARRY: [grabs a board and turns around] I’ll break this guy a---
[Moe grabs Larry’s hat and Larry runs away. Moe chases after Larry again. The girls enter from off-camera and run after them]
CORABELL, FLORABELL & DORABELL: Hey come here! What are you doing?
[Cut to Curly who is fixing the ruined cement]
LARRY: No Moe, take it easy! Wait a minute, Moe!
[Curly sees Larry and Moe coming, so he ruins the cement himself by stomping on it]
CURLY: Hey! No you don’t. No you don’t! No! Woo!
[Larry, Moe, and the girls walk by, but this time, they don’t come near the cement]
CURLY: Hey! You double-crossed me! Hmm.
[Curly continues to stomp on the cement. Curly slips and falls]
CURLY: Hmm! Hmm!
[Larry continues to run away from Moe. Larry runs up to the pile of wood again. Moe climbs over the pile of wood to go after Larry. The girls try to follow Moe before he climbed over the wood pile. Behind the piles of wood is a wooden board that’s on tops of a stand, making it look like a seesaw. At the end of the board is a keg of nails. Moe accidentally steps on the wooden board and the keg of nails goes flying and it hits Curly on the head]
CURLY: Ow!
[Curly gets knocked unconscious. The camera pans down and we see Curly’s feet stuck in the cement]
[Dissolve to Larry and Moe who are continuing to build the house. Moe is hammering the wooden boards onto the house as Larry saws the wooden board in half]
MOE: Hurry up with that board. You’ve been at it all morning.
LARRY: There’s nothing ready-cut about these houses. Every board is too long.
MOE: If that puddinhead hadn’t burned up the plans, we’d have saved plenty of work.
[Cut to Curly who is chopping his foot out of the cement with an ax. He gets his foot free, but big blocks of cement are still surrounding his feet.]
CURLY: [calling out to Moe and Larry] Hey fellas! Help me out. I’m stuck. [walks up to Moe and Larry]
MOE: What’s the big idea?
CURLY: Somebody hit me on the head with a keg of nails. When I came to, here I was.
MOE: [to Larry] I knew I missed a keg of nails.
CURLY: But it didn’t miss me. Hey fellas, come on. Help me get out of here.
MOE: Don’t worry. We’ll have that stuff off you in a jiffy.
CURLY: Oh thanks!
[Moe grabs a sledge hammer and starts hitting Curly’s foot to see if he can break the cement. He tries to hit a second time, but Curly stops him]
CURLY: Not over there, now. I got a corn on that side.
MOE: Who’s doing this?
[Moe continues to pound on Curly’s foot. Curly follows the hammer as Moe moves it up and down. After Moe pound on Curly’s foot twice, Moe stops]
LARRY: Here, that stuff’s too hard. Try this. [gives Moe an electric drill]
MOE: That’s an idea.
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk
[Moe drills the cement of Curly’s left foot]
CURLY: Look out for my corn, now.
[Moe continues drilling and we hear the drill hit Curly’s foot inside the cement]
CURLY: Oh! Oh, that’s my foot.
MOE: [stops the drill] What are you yelping out? I had to see it was through, didn’t I? [to Larry] Get the dynamite. I knew we’d have to use it for something.
[Moe starts drilling the cement on Curly’s right foot]
CURLY: Dynamite? Hey, you’re not gonna blast!
MOE: What would you do?
CURLY: I’d blast. [starts getting a worried look on his face]
MOE: [finishes the drilling] There! That didn’t hurt, did it?
CURLY: I don’t know. My foot’s asleep.
LARRY: Here! [gives Moe a bunch of dynamite sticks]
MOE: What’s the idea? One stick in each block’s enough.
CURLY: Listen, I don’t want to but in, but don’t you think half a stick is enough.
[Moe places the dynamite sticks on the holes of the cement that he drilled]
MOE: No. You got nothing to worry about. Besides, dynamite always blows down.
CURLY: Oh, I didn’t know that.
MOE: Have you out of these like that.
[Moe lights a match and he lights the dynamite]
MOE: [to Larry] Come on. Get behind the lumber pile.
CURLY: You better hurry.
MOE: See you later.
[Moe and Larry run away, they stand behind the wood pile and cover their ears]
[Curly covers his ears. Suddenly, he calls out to Moe and Larry]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Maybe I could take my shoes off. [starts walking up to Moe and Larry as the dynamite is lit on his feet]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo!
[Curly approaches Moe and Larry]
CURLY: Listen, fellas, I got a better idea. Take these out. [points to his feet]
[Moe and Larry see that the dynamite is about to explode]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh! [Moe and Larry run away]
CURLY: Hey listen! Fellas! Don’t be so mean!
[Moe and Larry run behind the wood pile and they bump into each other and fall on the floor]
MOE: Oh!
[On the other side of the wood pile where Curly is, an explosion occurs. We see a bunch of cement blocks go flying. We also see a big block of cement fall into a pail of water. Larry and Moe run behind to find Curly, but all they see a big hole in the ground]
MOE: [to Larry in a weeping manner] He was right. A half of stick would have been plenty.
LARRY: Yeah. Gee, he was a swell guy.
MOE: You know, I think I’ll let him keep that dollar he owes us.
[The girls run up to Moe and Larry]
FLORABELL: Have you got nothing to do but to play with firecrackers?
DORABELL: Where’s Curly?
MOE: Well it started with the cement---
[Suddenly, we hear Curly’s voice]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
[Cut to Curly who is stuck up in the tree]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Here I am. Come get me!
MOE: There he is! [to Larry] Forget what I said about that dollar.
[Moe, Larry, and the girls run up to the tree where Curly is stuck in]
CURLY: Woo woo! Come and get me!
MOE: Here we come!
CURLY: Who said dynamite blows down?
DORABELL: Come down out of there, Tarzan!
CURLY: I can’t.
DORABELL: I’ll get you down. [grabs a long wooden board]
CURLY: Look out now! Look out---
[Dorabell tries to push Curly out of the tree with the wooden board. The board ends up pushing Curly in the face]
CURLY: Ahh! Ohh! Ohh! Ah-ha-ha! Whooooaaaa! [falls off the tree and lands on Dorabell.]
[Dorabell becomes unconscious]
CORABELL: Dorabell, are you hurt? Dorabell! Oh!
MOE: [to Curly] How are you?
CURLY: [sees Dorabell unconscious] Hey! Get some water, quick!
[Larry runs away to get some water]
CORABELL: Look! Look at Dorabell! Oh!
[Curly grabs Dorabell]
CURLY: Come here!
CORABELL: Look at her!
[Curly taps Dorabell on the cheek to try to revive her]
CURLY: Say something! Say something! Not much, but say something. Look at me. It’s Curly. I feel down too but I’m walking now.
[Larry grabs the pail of water that the cement block fell into.]
CURLY: [calling out to Larry] Hurry up with that water. Woo woo!
[Curly grabs the pail from Larry. He sprinkles some water on Dorabell and she starts waking up]
CURLY: Look! She’s come to.
[Curly takes the whole pail and splashes all the water on her. The cement block hits Dorabell in the face and she gets knocked out again]
CORABELL: Oh!
CURLY: I didn’t mean it Dorabell. Honestly, I didn’t---
CORABELL: Look what you did!
MOE: [grabs the cement block] What’s the idea hitting my sister-in-law with cement? [throws the cement block on Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh!
[Curly becomes unconscious]
LARRY: [to Moe] What d’ya hit my brother-in-law for?
[Dissolve to the inside of the house that the stooges built. The house is all finished and the stooges are putting the finishing touches on it. Moe finishes putting up the wallpaper]
CURLY: Say, I think there’s something wrong with this door.
[Moe walks up to Curly and we see that the door is sideways]
MOE: Looks alright to me.
LARRY: Hey fellas! The plumbing’s all through!
[Moe and Curly look in the bathroom and the bathtub is attached to the wall]
MOE: That’s great! Well, she’s all finished.
CURLY: Now for the honeymoon.
LARRY: Boy, will the women love this.
[The stooges call out to the girls]
MOE: Oh honey.
CURLY: Darling!
LARRY: Angel.
[The girls enter]
MOE: Well here’s your love nest.
CURLY: Ain’t it a beaut?
LARRY: How do you like it?
FLORABELL: Why it’s beautiful!
[Next to Larry is some steps attached to the wall]
CORABELL: Oh it’s marvelous. Uh but, uh, where do those steps go? [points to the steps]
LARRY: Steps? Why, those are shelves.
CORABELL: Shelves?
FLORABELL: [looks at a post that next to her] Well here’s a post that shouldn’t be here.
[Florabell pulls out the post and the house collapses on everyone]
--THE END--
[Dissolve to a store called: “Metropole Flower Shop.” The stooges walk out of the shop. A dog is walking along with them. Moe is holding three bouquets of flowers. He throws one bouquet to Larry and then to Curly. The stooges smell the flowers. Cut to the dog which is holding a flower in its mouth.]
LARRY: Well, we’re all set.
CURLY: Ain’t love grand?! Woo woo woo woo.
MOE: Yeah, come on. Let’s get the car. [to the dog] Come on, Friday!
[The stooges enter the garage. We see a car leave the garage. As soon as the car leaves, we see the stooges exit the garage as well. Moe is driving a scooter and the scooter is pulling three wagons. Curly is in the wagon behind Moe, Larry is in the one behind Curly and the dog is on the last wagon.]
[We see the stooges riding down the streets. They finally arrive at their girlfriends’ house. When Moe stops the scooter in front of the house, the wagons crash against each other. The stooges get out of the wagon. The stooges stand up and they wipe each others’ back. Curly wipes Larry’s back while Moe wipes Curly’s back. They all turn around. Now, Larry wipes Curly’s back and Curly wipes Moe’s back. Moe turns around and Curly still continues to wipes Moe in the back and now he accidentally wipes Moe’s face when he turns around]
CURLY: Ah!
MOE: Wanna mess me up, eh? I oughtta!
[The dog sees another dog at the dog house. It approaches the other dog]
[The stooges take their bouquets of flowers and they smell it]
STOOGES: Ah!!
[The stooges shake their bouquets and dust flies everywhere. Curly sneezes]
MOE: Come on! [The stooges walk towards the house]
[Cut to the inside of the house where we see the three girls sitting down knitting. We hear a rhythmic knock on the door]
CORABELL: There they are!
[The girls stand up]
FLORABELL: Come in!
[The stooges enter and they stand in front of the girls]
MOE: Corabell!
LARRY: Florabell!
CURLY: Dorabell!
[Cut to the outside where we see the dog give the other dog a flower. They both enter the dog house]
[Cut back to the inside of the girls’ house]
[The stooges get down on their knees]
MOE: For the hundredth time…
STOOGES: Will you marry us?
DORABELL: This is so sudden.
CORABELL: You’ll have to ask father.
[Moe and Larry walk off-camera. Curly spins around]
CURLY: Eeeh!
[Curly walks backwards and bumps into Moe and Larry, who are standing next to the door. Mr. Bell walks in and the door hits Larry]
LARRY: Oh!
MOE: Mr. Bell, can we marry your---
MR. BELL: No! [hits Moe in the face with the door and closes it]
MOE: Oh!
CURLY: He can’t do that to us.
[Mr. Bells walks in again and the door hits Moe]
MOE: Oh!
MR. BELL: Are you three guys still here?
LARRY: Sure and we intend to say until you say yes!
CURLY: Hmm!
[Moe and Larry sit down on the couch. Curly is about to sit down on a spot where there are knitting needles.
CURLY: [to Mr. Bell] It’s a sit-down strike!
CURLY: [sees the knitting needles] Hmm!
[Curly grabs the knitting needles]
CURLY: Oh! Woo! [throws the knitting needles away and it lands on the chair right beside Mr. Bell]
MR. BELL: Why, I’ll have you thrown out of this house!
MOE: Is that so? Tell him a few syllables! [grabs Curly and pushes him towards Mr. Bell]
CURLY: Whoa! You can’t do that to us! We’re not interfering with interstate commerce. And we’re gonna sit right here. Nyuk nyuk nyuk
[Curly sits down on the chair next to Mr. Bell and he ends up sitting on the knitting needles]
CURLY: Ah! Haaah! Hey Moe, Larry! It’s got me! It’s biting me! Moe!
[Moe and Larry run up to Curly]
MOE: What is it?
CURLY: I think it’s an octopus! Get it!
MOE: Easy now! [starts yanking the needles out of Curly’s rear]
CURLY: Oh! Whoa!
[Larry helps Moe pull out the needles]
MR. BELL: Hey, wait a minute!
[Moe and Larry continue pulling out the needles. Curly starts grabbing and hitting Mr. Bell’s face]
MR. BELL: Ooh!
CURLY: Oh! Ohh!
CURLY: Oh! Oh! Oh!
MOE: [as he’s pulling out the needles] Easy now! The last one!
CURLY: Oh! Ah!
[Moe and Larry finish pulling out the needles from Curly’s rear]
LARRY: You alright?
MOE: How do you feel?
[Curly tries to sit down, but he quickly gets up in pain]
CURLY: Ohhh! Oh! You fellas sit down. I’ll picket!
[Curly takes out a sign from inside his jacket pocket. He holds it up. The sign reads: “To this place unfair to union suitors”. As he holds up the sign, he smiles to the girls. He then turns to Mr. Bell and gives him an angry look. He looks at the girls again and smiles. He then turns to Mr. Bell and sticks his tongue out. He then brings the sign up in front of Mr. Bell. He waves the sign back and forth and Mr. Bell follows it. Curly suddenly falls on the floor. The scene ends.]
[A new scene begins and we see a newspaper with a headline that reads: “Suitors in third week of sit down strike.”]
[Dissolve to Moe who is frying some eggs. Behind Moe is a tent where the stooges are sleeping in during their sit down strike.]
MOE: Come and get it!
CURLY: I can’t! I think I got a bite.
[We see Curly fishing for some fish that are in the fish tank]
MOE: Didn’t I tell you not to fish for those pets?
CURLY: But I had two strikes.
MOE: We’ll here’s a third one. [grabs the fishing pole from Curly and breaks it on Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh! Oh oh! You almost put me out.
[Larry comes out of the tent and suddenly we hear a whistle blow]
MOE: [to Larry] Got get the mail!
[Larry sticks his head out of the windows and grabs a bunch of mail from the mailman]
LARRY: [to the mailman] Thanks. [to Curly and Moe] Hey our fan mail’s growing.
[Moe and Curly approach Larry]
MOE: Oh boy! [grabs two piles of mail and gives one pile to Curly] Handle that!
CURLY: [as he’s looking through the mail] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk
[The stooges open up their mail]
MOE: Look! Here’s real-estate company gonna give us a lot as soon as we’re married.
LARRY: And here’s the guy will give us a ready-cut house.
MOE: Boy! A house and lot for nothing.
CURLY: What are we waiting for?
MOE: For papa to say yes, puddinhead! [flings Curly’s face]
CURLY: Oh!
[Cut to Mr. Bell’s room. Mr. Bell is talking on the phone while the Justice of the peace is sitting down]
MR. BELL: [on the phone] But Governor, they’ve been sitting in my house for three weeks. You’ve got to get them out. [hangs up the phone] Oh, he won’t do nothing.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: [stands up and gets ready to leave] Well, there’s nothing the justice of the peace can do then.
MR. BELL: [grabs the Justice] Oh yes there is!
[Cut to the stooges and the girls. They’re all looking through the mail]
FLORABELL: Furniture!
CORABELL: Oh look! A set of dishes!
DORABELL: And here’s some silverware.
LARRY: And a baby carriage.
CURLY: [throws the mail down on the floor] Woo woo woo!
MOE: What do you got?
CURLY: A gas bill!
MOE: Oh, what’s the matter with you?
[Mr. Bell and the Justice of the peace enter]
MR. BELL: [to the Justice] There they are, sheriff!
MOE: [to the Justice] We ain’t done nothing! You can’t arrest us.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: I’m not going to arrest you. I’m gonna marry you!
LARRY: We won the strike!
CURLY: Now we can get married!
[The stooges and the girls throw the mail up in the air and they all start cheering]
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: Hey, wait a minute! Quiet! Who’s gonna marry who?
MOE: Why we’re gonna---
CURLY: Oh, we never though of that.
MOE: Gee. I got an idea. Get those name pins. [points off-camera]
[The stooges grab the girls’ name pins]
MOE: [takes the Justice’s hat] Pardon me, Justice!
[The stooges put the name pins in the hat and Moe shakes it]
MOE: Take one!
[Larry takes a name pin out of the hat]
LARRY: I got Florabell!
FLORABELL: Honey! [hugs Larry and we hear his bones crack] Darling!
MOE: [grabs a name pin out of the hat] I got Corabell!
CORABELL: Oh darling! [hugs Moe]
CURLY: [grabs a piece of paper out of the hat] I get Stetson! Which one is she?
MOE: [slaps Curly in the head] Come on!
CURLY: Oh!
MOE: [grabs the name pin out of the hat and gives it to Curly] Here! There!
[A new scene begins outside an empty lot. We see a truck drive up and on the back of the truck are piles of wood. The stooges and the girls are sitting on top of the wood piles.]
MOE: This is it, driver! You better stop! Haha!
[The truck driver stops. Everyone gets out of the truck]
MOE: Well, here we are! Alright, women and children first.
[Cut to a sign that read: “This lot presented to the three sitdown suitors, Upland Realty Co.”]
MOE: [gets out of the truck] Out of the way! Well, there’s where your new home’s gonna be, girls. [to the truck driver] Where’s the carpenters?
DRIVER: There ain’t any! You build it yourself.
MOE: No carpenters? Well, we ain’t gonna build nothing. We’re on our honeymoon.
CURLY: Soitenly, I got married so I could retire. [turns around, sees Dorabell and flinches]
DORABELL: But you must build the house first, darling. [pinches Curly’s cheek]
[Curly gets flattered and he lays his head on Dorabell]
MOE: Nothing doing. I said, we’re on our honeymoon.
CURLY: Soitenly!
DORABELL: [to Curly] Oh now, darling!
FLORABELL: [to Larry] Tootsie-wootsie!
CORABELL: [to Moe] Little snookie-puss!
[The girls punch the stooges in the face and the stooges fall to the floor]
STOOGES: Oh!
FLORABELL: The honeymoon starts when the house is finished
[The truck leaves and dumps all of the piles of wood on the ground]
[A new scene begins at the same location, only this time, the house is partially built. The piles of wood are nailed together and the stooges are standing on top. Larry and Moe are sitting down, while Curly paces back and forth holding a sign that reads: “No Honeymoon. No Work.”]
CURLY: [looks down and sees how high he is] Woo woo woo woo
[Curly turns around and the other side of the sign reads: “Unfair to Union Husbands”]
[The girls look up at the stooges]
FLORABELL: You come down from there and get to work!
MOE: Nothing doing! We’re staying right here.
FLORABELL: I’ll bring ‘em down. [grabs a long wooden board]
CURLY: Nyah! Hey not that! Woo woo woo woo.
[Florabell hits a part of the partially-built house. That part gets destroyed and the stooges fall down. The stooges get up]
CORABELL: Now, you snap out of it and get to work.
CURLY: But we was going down---
DORABELL: You start a fire for breakfast while we go to the store!
[Corabell and Dorabell turn around]
FLORABELL: Get going! [takes the wooden board and gets ready to strike the stooges but they duck, so she ends up hitting Corabell and Dorabell on the back of their heads]
CORABELL & DORABELL: Ow!
FLORABELL: [points at the stooges] They did it!
MOE: Oh, we didn’t, darling!
[The stooges run away]
CORABELL: Strike me, would you? Oh, you brute!
[A new scene begins with Moe and Larry pushing back the part of partially-built house that Florabell destroyed]
MOE: Now go on out and get a board so we can prop this up.
LARRY: Ok
MOE: Hurry up!
[Larry walks up to the pile of wood and tries to yank out a board, but he’s having a hard time. The board he’s trying to yank has some nails sticking out at the end. After he tries to yank a few times, he finally is able to yank out the board. Larry starts falling backwards and he ends up hitting Moe with board. The part with the nails sticking out hits Moe]
MOE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Moe holds his rear in pain and the part of the house he was holding onto ends up falling down on him]
LARRY: What d’ya let go for?
[Moe gets up, grabs a board and chases after Larry as he runs away]
[Cut to Curly who is cementing the floor.]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!
LARRY: Oh!
[Larry and Moe run by the wet cement and destroy it]
CURLY: Hey! What’s the idea? You’re ruining cement! Hmm! Hmm!
[Larry runs by a pile of wood. On to of the pile is a wooden board sticking out. As Moe runs after Larry, he hits his head on the wooden board and falls on the floor. Larry sees Moe on the floor, so he runs away]
[Cut to Curly who is fixing the cement that Moe and Larry destroyed]
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
[Larry and Moe run around Curly and they ruin the cement again.]
LARRY: Oh!
[Moe hits Larry with the board a few times]
LARRY: Ow!
[Larry runs away from Moe and Moe chases after him]
CURLY: Hmm! Hmm hmm! Hmmmm! Hmm mm! [Curly whimpers as he fixes the cement again]
[Larry is hiding under the partially built house. Moe walks by and sees Larry. He tries to strike Larry with the board, but Larry dodges it and Moe accidentally hits the pipe. The pipe starts spraying water.]
MOE: Oh!
[Moe sticks his finger in the pipe to stop the spraying, but his finger is caught]
MOE: Hey Larry! Help me, my finger’s caught!
LARRY: Are you sure?
MOE: I’m sure! I can’t get it out!
LARRY: That’s all I want to know. [kicks Moe in the rear]
MOE: Ow! Oh!
[Larry grabs a wooden board and breaks it on Moe’s rear]
MOE: Ow, I’ll kill you!
[As Larry turns around to get another board, Moe gets his finger free.]
LARRY: [grabs a board and turns around] I’ll break this guy a---
[Moe grabs Larry’s hat and Larry runs away. Moe chases after Larry again. The girls enter from off-camera and run after them]
CORABELL, FLORABELL & DORABELL: Hey come here! What are you doing?
[Cut to Curly who is fixing the ruined cement]
LARRY: No Moe, take it easy! Wait a minute, Moe!
[Curly sees Larry and Moe coming, so he ruins the cement himself by stomping on it]
CURLY: Hey! No you don’t. No you don’t! No! Woo!
[Larry, Moe, and the girls walk by, but this time, they don’t come near the cement]
CURLY: Hey! You double-crossed me! Hmm.
[Curly continues to stomp on the cement. Curly slips and falls]
CURLY: Hmm! Hmm!
[Larry continues to run away from Moe. Larry runs up to the pile of wood again. Moe climbs over the pile of wood to go after Larry. The girls try to follow Moe before he climbed over the wood pile. Behind the piles of wood is a wooden board that’s on tops of a stand, making it look like a seesaw. At the end of the board is a keg of nails. Moe accidentally steps on the wooden board and the keg of nails goes flying and it hits Curly on the head]
CURLY: Ow!
[Curly gets knocked unconscious. The camera pans down and we see Curly’s feet stuck in the cement]
[Dissolve to Larry and Moe who are continuing to build the house. Moe is hammering the wooden boards onto the house as Larry saws the wooden board in half]
MOE: Hurry up with that board. You’ve been at it all morning.
LARRY: There’s nothing ready-cut about these houses. Every board is too long.
MOE: If that puddinhead hadn’t burned up the plans, we’d have saved plenty of work.
[Cut to Curly who is chopping his foot out of the cement with an ax. He gets his foot free, but big blocks of cement are still surrounding his feet.]
CURLY: [calling out to Moe and Larry] Hey fellas! Help me out. I’m stuck. [walks up to Moe and Larry]
MOE: What’s the big idea?
CURLY: Somebody hit me on the head with a keg of nails. When I came to, here I was.
MOE: [to Larry] I knew I missed a keg of nails.
CURLY: But it didn’t miss me. Hey fellas, come on. Help me get out of here.
MOE: Don’t worry. We’ll have that stuff off you in a jiffy.
CURLY: Oh thanks!
[Moe grabs a sledge hammer and starts hitting Curly’s foot to see if he can break the cement. He tries to hit a second time, but Curly stops him]
CURLY: Not over there, now. I got a corn on that side.
MOE: Who’s doing this?
[Moe continues to pound on Curly’s foot. Curly follows the hammer as Moe moves it up and down. After Moe pound on Curly’s foot twice, Moe stops]
LARRY: Here, that stuff’s too hard. Try this. [gives Moe an electric drill]
MOE: That’s an idea.
CURLY: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk
[Moe drills the cement of Curly’s left foot]
CURLY: Look out for my corn, now.
[Moe continues drilling and we hear the drill hit Curly’s foot inside the cement]
CURLY: Oh! Oh, that’s my foot.
MOE: [stops the drill] What are you yelping out? I had to see it was through, didn’t I? [to Larry] Get the dynamite. I knew we’d have to use it for something.
[Moe starts drilling the cement on Curly’s right foot]
CURLY: Dynamite? Hey, you’re not gonna blast!
MOE: What would you do?
CURLY: I’d blast. [starts getting a worried look on his face]
MOE: [finishes the drilling] There! That didn’t hurt, did it?
CURLY: I don’t know. My foot’s asleep.
LARRY: Here! [gives Moe a bunch of dynamite sticks]
MOE: What’s the idea? One stick in each block’s enough.
CURLY: Listen, I don’t want to but in, but don’t you think half a stick is enough.
[Moe places the dynamite sticks on the holes of the cement that he drilled]
MOE: No. You got nothing to worry about. Besides, dynamite always blows down.
CURLY: Oh, I didn’t know that.
MOE: Have you out of these like that.
[Moe lights a match and he lights the dynamite]
MOE: [to Larry] Come on. Get behind the lumber pile.
CURLY: You better hurry.
MOE: See you later.
[Moe and Larry run away, they stand behind the wood pile and cover their ears]
[Curly covers his ears. Suddenly, he calls out to Moe and Larry]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Maybe I could take my shoes off. [starts walking up to Moe and Larry as the dynamite is lit on his feet]
CURLY: Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo!
[Curly approaches Moe and Larry]
CURLY: Listen, fellas, I got a better idea. Take these out. [points to his feet]
[Moe and Larry see that the dynamite is about to explode]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh! [Moe and Larry run away]
CURLY: Hey listen! Fellas! Don’t be so mean!
[Moe and Larry run behind the wood pile and they bump into each other and fall on the floor]
MOE: Oh!
[On the other side of the wood pile where Curly is, an explosion occurs. We see a bunch of cement blocks go flying. We also see a big block of cement fall into a pail of water. Larry and Moe run behind to find Curly, but all they see a big hole in the ground]
MOE: [to Larry in a weeping manner] He was right. A half of stick would have been plenty.
LARRY: Yeah. Gee, he was a swell guy.
MOE: You know, I think I’ll let him keep that dollar he owes us.
[The girls run up to Moe and Larry]
FLORABELL: Have you got nothing to do but to play with firecrackers?
DORABELL: Where’s Curly?
MOE: Well it started with the cement---
[Suddenly, we hear Curly’s voice]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
[Cut to Curly who is stuck up in the tree]
CURLY: Hey Moe! Hey Larry! Here I am. Come get me!
MOE: There he is! [to Larry] Forget what I said about that dollar.
[Moe, Larry, and the girls run up to the tree where Curly is stuck in]
CURLY: Woo woo! Come and get me!
MOE: Here we come!
CURLY: Who said dynamite blows down?
DORABELL: Come down out of there, Tarzan!
CURLY: I can’t.
DORABELL: I’ll get you down. [grabs a long wooden board]
CURLY: Look out now! Look out---
[Dorabell tries to push Curly out of the tree with the wooden board. The board ends up pushing Curly in the face]
CURLY: Ahh! Ohh! Ohh! Ah-ha-ha! Whooooaaaa! [falls off the tree and lands on Dorabell.]
[Dorabell becomes unconscious]
CORABELL: Dorabell, are you hurt? Dorabell! Oh!
MOE: [to Curly] How are you?
CURLY: [sees Dorabell unconscious] Hey! Get some water, quick!
[Larry runs away to get some water]
CORABELL: Look! Look at Dorabell! Oh!
[Curly grabs Dorabell]
CURLY: Come here!
CORABELL: Look at her!
[Curly taps Dorabell on the cheek to try to revive her]
CURLY: Say something! Say something! Not much, but say something. Look at me. It’s Curly. I feel down too but I’m walking now.
[Larry grabs the pail of water that the cement block fell into.]
CURLY: [calling out to Larry] Hurry up with that water. Woo woo!
[Curly grabs the pail from Larry. He sprinkles some water on Dorabell and she starts waking up]
CURLY: Look! She’s come to.
[Curly takes the whole pail and splashes all the water on her. The cement block hits Dorabell in the face and she gets knocked out again]
CORABELL: Oh!
CURLY: I didn’t mean it Dorabell. Honestly, I didn’t---
CORABELL: Look what you did!
MOE: [grabs the cement block] What’s the idea hitting my sister-in-law with cement? [throws the cement block on Curly’s head]
CURLY: Oh!
[Curly becomes unconscious]
LARRY: [to Moe] What d’ya hit my brother-in-law for?
[Dissolve to the inside of the house that the stooges built. The house is all finished and the stooges are putting the finishing touches on it. Moe finishes putting up the wallpaper]
CURLY: Say, I think there’s something wrong with this door.
[Moe walks up to Curly and we see that the door is sideways]
MOE: Looks alright to me.
LARRY: Hey fellas! The plumbing’s all through!
[Moe and Curly look in the bathroom and the bathtub is attached to the wall]
MOE: That’s great! Well, she’s all finished.
CURLY: Now for the honeymoon.
LARRY: Boy, will the women love this.
[The stooges call out to the girls]
MOE: Oh honey.
CURLY: Darling!
LARRY: Angel.
[The girls enter]
MOE: Well here’s your love nest.
CURLY: Ain’t it a beaut?
LARRY: How do you like it?
FLORABELL: Why it’s beautiful!
[Next to Larry is some steps attached to the wall]
CORABELL: Oh it’s marvelous. Uh but, uh, where do those steps go? [points to the steps]
LARRY: Steps? Why, those are shelves.
CORABELL: Shelves?
FLORABELL: [looks at a post that next to her] Well here’s a post that shouldn’t be here.
[Florabell pulls out the post and the house collapses on everyone]
--THE END--
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