Make 'Em Laugh (The Funny Business of America)
This website is made possible, in part, by displaying a few online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker for this site.
Released October 04, 1956
Featuring Moe, Larry and Shemp
Featuring Moe, Larry and Shemp
Columbia
15.9 min. (Short Subject)
15.9 min. (Short Subject)
Moe, Larry, and Shemp are beginner plumbers answering a call from Mr. Norfleet, whose wife has dropped a diamond ring in the bathroom drain. Moe and Larry find the ring, but drop it once more down the drain. So the Stooges must search for it throughout the household plumbing, inadvertantly crossing the electrical and plumbing pipes in the process. Meanwhile, two guests at the Norfleets' party are planning to steal a valuable painting. After successfully finding the ring, Moe and Larry stumble across the thief stuffing the painting into a pipe. Chasing him into the party, a huge pie fight breaks out.
A remake, with stock footage, of VAGABOND LOAFERS (1949), which itself was a reworking of A PLUMBING WE WILL GO (1940). Some of the pie fight was stock footage from HALF-WITS HOLIDAY (1947).
Joe Palma doubled for Shemp in new footage. Of the 4 "Fake Shemp" Palma appearances, this is the least of them with Joe appearing for only several seconds.
The "Insensitivity Award" goes to...
Whoever thought it would be funny to close out the short with Moe asking "Hey, where is that puddinhead' Shemp?" And then Moe and Larry look heavenward [to the 2nd floor, where Shemp was trapped in a maze of stock footage]. One can only guess what was going thru Moe's thoughts when he was directed to perform that short sequence.
Avg. Rating: 
[4.80/10]
[4.80/10]
Shemp Howard
Shemp
Moe Howard
Moe
Larry Fine
Larry
Joe Palma
'Fake Shemp'
Emil Sitka
Walter Norfleet
Symona Boniface
Mrs. Norfleet
Kenneth MacDonald
Mr. Allen
Christine McIntyre
Mrs. Allen
Dudley Dickerson
Cook
Herbert Evans
Wilkes
Victor Travers
Sleeping party guest
Celia Travers
Party guest
Cosmo Sardo
Party guest
Judy Malcolm
Party guest
Al Thompson
Party guest
Alfred Paix
Party guest
Mary Forbes
Party guest
Unidentified SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Party guests
Jules White
Producer
Hugh McCollum
Producer, stock footage
Jules White
Director
Edward Bernds
Director, stock footage
Elwood Ullman
Story
Jack White
Screenplay
Elwood Ullman
Screenplay, stock footage
Ray Cory
Director of Photography
Vincent Farrar
Photography, stock footage
Harold White
Film Editor
Henry DeMond
Film Editor, stock footage
Ross Bellah
Art Director
Charles Clague
Art Director, stock footage
Willard Sheldon
Assistant Director
| Working Title(s): | PIXILATED PLUMBERS |
| Prod. No.: | 4246 |
| Shooting Days: | 1 days From: 1956-01-16 To: 1956-01-16 |
No audio files are available for this episode.
Transcription by xraffle: 
[The short opens up to a sign that says “Day and Nite Plumbers- We Never Sleep”. We then see Moe sitting in a jeep, reading over a “How to Be a Plumber” book. The phone rings. Moe puts the book down and picks the phone up.]
MOE: Night and Day Plumbers.
[Cut to Mr. Norfleet on the other end of the line]
MR. NORFLEET: [stuttering] I’d like you to come right out to 14-14 Bleaker Street right away. And ask for Mr. Norfleet.
[Cut to Moe again]
MOE: We’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. [hangs up the phone] Ha ha! Boy! Our first case [pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head] Oh! [pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out, but this time, Moe ducks and it misses] Hahaha--- [the phone reaches out and hits him again] Grr!
[Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.]
MOE: [yelling up at Shemp and Larry] C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
[Cut to upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.]
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
[Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.]
LARRY: [grabbing the plumbing tools] Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
[Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.]
SHEMP: We gotta get a longer jeep. [looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep]
[The scene ends and the next scene begins at Mr. Norfleet’s bathroom. Moe, Larry and Mr. Norfleet enter]
MR. NORFLEET: I dropped a very valuable diamond ring down into this wash base and drain. Please, don’t give up until you find it.
MOE: Don’t worry boss! We’ll have your ring back before you can say “Cucamonga.”
MR. NORFLEET: That’s fine. Oh! My wife has guests and is unveiling a new Van Brocklin painting she just bought. Please, work quietly.
MOE: Ok, we’ll be quiet.
[Mr. Norfleet leaves. Larry throws his tools down on floor causing a loud noise]
MOE: Quiet!!!!
[Moe throws his tools down as well and a loud noise occurs again]
MOE: I said quiet. [slaps Larry] Come on, get busy here!
LARRY: Alright.
MOE: Get the ring.
[At the same time, Moe and Larry stick their heads into the sink to look through the drain but they bump heads]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh!!
MOE: Come on! Get that plate outta there!
LARRY: Alright.
[Larry removes the metal plate on the top of the drain on the sink. Moe takes a flashlight, looks through the drain, and sticks his hand in. He grabs the ring out]
LARRY: Think you got something.
MOE: How about that! It was stuck on the inside rim all the time. Call Mr. Norfleet.
LARRY: [yells] Mr. Norfleet, we found the--- [bumps into Moe]
MOE: Oh!! [drops the ring and it falls down the drain]
LARRY: Get it!!
[At the same time, Moe and Larry stick their heads into the sink to look through the drain but they bump heads again]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh!!
MOE: You knucklehead you!!! You’re gonna get that ring if I have to shove you down the pipe after it.
LARRY: Wait a minute, there must be another way.
[Moe grabs Larry by the hair]
MOE: I’ll show ya!
[Moe turns Larry upside down and tries to shove him down the drain]
LARRY: Moe! Please! Ow!! Ow!! Ow, you’re crushing my skull.
MOE: Well get that ring!
LARRY: Ow! I won’t fit in here.
MOE: By golly, he’s right. His ears are in the way. [snaps fingers] I gotta get something.
[Moe walks over to the bag of tools]
MOE: Oh yeah! A wrench! [yanks the wrench out and it hits him in the face] Ohh!! Hmmmm!!
[Moe grabs the wrench and the plunger.]
MOE: Ah!!!
[He walks up to sink and sees Larry gone. Moe does a double take.]
MOE: Oh no, he couldn’t have. He couldn’t have gone down that drain pipe.
[Moe talks into the drain]
MOE: Larry! Where are you?
LARRY: [we hear his voice from inside the drain] I’m down here.
[Moe does a double take]
MOE: Nyahh!! [drops his tools] I’ll figure something out kid. Wait a minute. I’ll figure something out.
[Moe grabs a flashlight and looks down the drain. He sees Larry’s face]
LARRY: Come on, Moe. Get busy!!
MOE: [does a double take] Ok kid! I’ll be with you in a jiffy. Take it easy kid. I’ll find a way.
[Moe sticks his hand down the drain.]
[Cut to Larry who is under the sink. It turns out that he disconnected the pipes and is just under the sink. Moe’s hand grabs Larry’s hair and pulls it out]
MOE: Now easy Larry!
LARRY: Owww!!!
[Cut to Moe who grabs a chunk of Larry’s hair]
MOE: Mmm. Hmm. I got part of him. I’ll have to take him out in pieces. Take your time kid. [sticks his hand down the drain again.
[Larry gets up from under the sink and approaches Moe]
LARRY: Hey Moe! What are you doing?
MOE: I’m trying to get you outta this pipe, ya sap! [does a double take]
LARRY: What d’you do? Blow your stack!
MOE: I’ll blow your stack. I’ll smack you in the snoot. I’ll--- [can’t get his hand out of the drain] Larry! I can’t get it out. Help me, will ya. I’m stuck.
[Larry tries to pull Moe’s hand out]
MOE: Oh!
LARRY: Take it easy kid! I’ll get you out
MOE: Oh oh! Ohhhh!! [Moe gets his hand free]
LARRY: You’re hand alright?
MOE: I dunno. [pokes Larry in the eyes]
LARRY: It’s alright. [suddenly feels the pain from the eyepoke] Oww!!
MOE: Give me that. Hope that ring’s in here.
[Moe grabs the drain pipe from Larry. He looks through it and then listens to it. Larry blows on the other end of the pipe while Moe listens]
MOE: Ow!! I’ll murder you!
LARRY: Take it easy.
MOE: Hey! That ring went down that drain pipe.
LARRY: How do you know it didn’t go down the water pipe?
MOE: Maybe it did.
[We hear a horn honking from outside.]
[Cut to outside. Shemp is honking the horn of the jeep. He then grabs a bunch of pipes and carries them]
[Cut to Moe and Larry who look out the bathroom window to see who is honking.]
MOE: [yells out the window] Hey Shemp! We’re in here. We got a lot of work to do, so shake a leg!
[Cut to Shemp who is having a hard time carrying the pipes]
SHEMP: Hold your horses, will ya.
[Cut to Moe and Larry again]
MOE: I think that ring slid down one of the pipes into the basement. We all better go down there and find it and hurry.
LARRY: Well don’t rush me. I gotta wash my hands. [turns on the sink to wash his hands]
MOE: Oh. [grabs a plunger]
LARRY: Who do you think I am, anyhow?? Haha!
MOE: Hey anyhow!!
LARRY: What?
[Moe sticks the plunger on Larry’s head and drags him out of the bathroom]
LARRY: Oowwww!
MOE: Come on! Come on! Come on, anyhow!! Come on!
[Larry gets dragged out of the bathroom and accidentally leaves the faucet on the sink running.]
[The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.]
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: But we didn’t locate the ring. [handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe] Hold on to this, and don't let it slip. [to Larry] Gimme that blow torch.
[Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe's rear.]
MOE: Yeeeeooowwww!!!!!
[Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.]
MOE: [to Larry] Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
[Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm that’s holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe leaks again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.]
MOE: [to Larry] Now see what ya did?
LARRY: [looking at Moe’s hand] What?
MOE: [slapping Larry with the wet hand] Get outta here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t find the ring while it’s leakin’. [looking around the basement] I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: [pinching Shemp’s cheek] You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah. Shut the water off!!!! Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! [quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement] Get me nervous!
MOE: Go get busy!
[Cut to upstairs where we see the guests that Mrs. Norfleet has over at the mansion. Allen, Ethel and Mrs. Norfleet are talking]
ETHEL: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I’ll not keep you waiting.
[Cut back to inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.]
LARRY: [picking the newspaper back up again] Ah!
[Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.]
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowderhead didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! [handing Larry a diving rod] Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen. Look in the attic. [slapping Larry] Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
[Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then lets go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright.]
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and the guests. They are all admiring the Van Brocklin painting]
ETHEL: Oh, it’s divine! What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece alright.
[Cut to Larry passing by the bathroom. He sees the sink running and the water that has leaked all over the bathroom]
LARRY: What idiot left this water running? [realizes it was him] I did!
[Larry turns off the faucet.]
[Cut to Moe in the basement. Water comes out from the pipe he’s fixing and it splashes on his face]
MOE: Uhhh!!! I wonder where those other lugs are.
[Cut to Larry in the bathroom.]
LARRY: I gotta get rid of this water. [grabs a hand drill]
[Larry starts drilling holes on the floor to get the water out of the bathroom]
[Cut to inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.]
MOE: Ah! Success at last!
[Cut to Larry in the bathroom. He continues to drill the holes on the floor]
LARRY: [as he is drilling] What an idea!
[Cut to Moe in the basement. Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.]
MOE: Yeeooowww!!! [moves to the side] What’s the matter? What’s going on here? [more water starts dripping on him] Ohhh, moida!
[Cut to Larry who stops drilling.]
LARRY: Hey! I better find that water cut-off. [yanks the drill out of the floor and it hits him in the face] Ohh!! [throws the drill on the floor and leaves]
[Cut to Moe in the basement]
MOE: I’ll find that ring if it kills me.
[Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays the chef in the face again.]
[Cut to Larry who is outside. He begins to shovel a hole in the ground]
LARRY: I’ll find that water cut-off.
[Cut to Allen and Ethel admiring the Van Brocklin painting]
ETHEL: [whispering] It’s the real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
ALLEN: [whispering back] Okay, we’ll... [mumbles]
[Cut to Moe and Shemp in the basement.]
MOE: Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
[Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe]
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! [Moe walks up to him] Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oysterbrain! [pushing Shemp] Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! [begins to yank the wires out of the pipe]
[Cut to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.]
MR. NORFLEET: No, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We---
[The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and at the same time, he tries to appear casual in front of his guest.]
SHEMP: [pulling the wires] White all colors...
[Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.]
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
[Cut back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the light bulb moving up and down due to Shemp's wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are moving rapidly. The chef does a double take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face.]
[Cut to the basement where we see a big pile of wires. Then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe.]
[Cut to Larry who has just dug a big hole on the ground outside of the mansion. He still continues digging]
LARRY: Where is that water cut-off?
[Cut to Shemp in the basement. He just finished pulling out the electrical wires out of the pipe]
SHEMP: [to Moe] That does it! End of the line!
[Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.]
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oaky-doaky.
SHEMP: Alright!
[Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together.]
[Cut to the kitchen. The chef turns on the light bulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and starts dripping water. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping light bulb.]
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [grabs a match above the stove]
[Cut to the basement where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.]
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: [shaking Shemp’s hand] Success! Hahaha!
[Cut to the kitchen. The chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire. The water sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way.]
[Cut back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.]
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! [sticks his head back in the hole]
[Cut over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in.]
[Cut back to the kitchen. The chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way.]
[Cut to Shemp in bathroom. He is in the bathtub trying to fix the faucet. Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.]
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! [covering the faucet hole with his hands] How do ya like that? [reaching for the pliers in his back pocket] I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer. [accidentally drops the pliers] Oh!
[Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole splashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.]
SHEMP: Oh oh oh!
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and her guests]
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
[The chef enters with his wet raincoat on.]
CHEF: Sorry folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! [leaves]
MRS. NORFLEET: [to the guests] Well, I, I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent. Uh, excellent idea. [clears throat]
[The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Ethel keeps a lookout.]
MRS. NORFLEET: [to her guests] We get the most amazing results.
[Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.]
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: [trying to get the picture on in the TV set] I’ll get it in a minute.
[The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.]
MR. NORFLEET: Oh! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Change your clothes dear, you’re all wet.
[Cut back to Shemp in the bathroom. Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole and he’s holding a pipe.]
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
[Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.]
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
[Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this.]
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and her guests. Allen secretly steals the Van Brocklin painting and puts it inside his jacket]
[Wilkes, the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.]
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: No!!! [looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting missing from the frame] Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
[Allen and Ethel are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.]
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! Sorry, just the formality. [picks up the phone] I’ll call the police.
[Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.]
MR. NORFLEET: Wha--- Who? What do I--- Op- Operator! What? [coughs]
[Cut to the bathroom. Moe and Larry walk in]
LARRY: I tell ya Moe. I couldn’t find that water shut-off.
MOE: Shut-off. Shut up!! Maybe the ring went behind that basin. [points to the sink]
[Moe gives Larry a crowbar]
MOE: Here. Pry that basin away from that wall just one inch, so I can look behind it.
[Larry starts to pry the basin away from the wall. As he is prying, Moe starts thinking out loud.]
MOE: [thinking to himself] Now if I was a ring, where would I go?
[Larry pries the basin away from the wall and it falls on Moe’s foot]
MOE: Ohhh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!
LARRY: I’m sorry, Moe.
MOE: So am I. [hits Larry in the head with the hammer]
LARRY: Oh!
MOE: [grabs Larry’s hair] You imbecile you!!
LARRY: Ahhh!
[Moe grabs the ring out of Larry’s hair]
MOE: Hey! The ring has been in your hair all the time.
LARRY: [yells] Mr. Norfleet!!
[Larry opens the bathroom door to yell out to Mr. Norfleet]
MOE: [yells] Mr. Norfleet!!
LARRY: [yells out the door] Mr. Norfleet! Hurry up!
[Mr. Norfleet enters the bathroom]
MOE: Here’s your ring, Mr. Norfleet. [gives the ring to Mr. Norfleet]
MR. NORFLEET: Oh, thank you! Oh! I’m frantic gentlemen! Frantic! Someone stole our new fifty thousand dollar painting.
LARRY: [whispers to Moe] Where’s Shemp? He loves pictures.
MOE: [to Larry] I think he’s upstairs. [to Mr. Norfleet] Wait here boss, we’ll be right back. [to Larry] Come on.
[Moe and Larry leave]
MR. NORFLEET: Anything. Anything I--- I must have a drink of water.
[Mr. Norfleet starts drinking the water that’s coming out of the wall]
[Cut to Allen and Ethel walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.]
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
ETHEL: Just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
[Allen and Ethel look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.]
ALLEN: He’s gone. [looking out one end of the hall] We can’t make it out that way.
ETHEL: We’ll be searched!
ALLEN: Yeah. [looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier] Yeah! [picks up the pipe] They won’t find anything.
[The door opens up behind Allen and Ethel. Moe and Larry are about to enter through the door but they stop suddenly when he hears Allen talk about the stolen painting. ]
ALLEN: [stuffing the painting into the pipe] I’ll put the picture in here until the excitement blows over. They’ll never find the painting in this pipe
[Moe and Larry hear this]
ALLEN: You go to the car. I’ll be right with you. [Ethel leaves]
[Moe and Larry sneak up behind Allen. Moe covers Allen’s mouth and they drag him into the room where all the guests are]
MOE: Ah! You crook, we got ya.
ALLEN: [frees himself from Moe and Larry] Let me alone! I’ll brain you! [swings the pipe at Moe and Larry, but they duck]
[Allen quickly crawls under table full of pies. He gets up and is now on the other side of the table where Moe and Larry can’t get him. Moe and Larry each grab a pie from the table and throw it at Allen]
ALLEN: Don’t you dare throw that pie. [The pies hits his face]
[Larry throws a pie, but Allen dodges it and the pie lands on one of the male guests. Moe throws a pie at Allen and it hits him. Larry tries to throw a pie at Allen, but Moe gets in the way and Larry ends up hitting Moe on the back of the head with the pie.]
MOE: Oh!!
LARRY: Oh! I’m sorry Moe! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you---
MOE: [attempts to throw a pie at Larry] Why---
LARRY: Oh no you don’t. [ducks and covers his face with his hands]
[Moe doesn’t throw the pie because he saw that Larry ducked. Moe squats down in front of Larry who is still covering his face.]
LARRY: [still covering his face] Are you here Moe?
MOE: No I just left.
[Larry uncovers his face.]
LARRY: Oh!
[Moe throws the pie at Larry’s face]
MOE: Get outta here. Next time watch where you’re throwing.
LARRY: Oh yeah. [grabs a pie from the table] Well I know what, uh my rights are---
[Moe hits Larry’s hand that’s holding the pie. The pie goes flying and it hits Mrs. Norfleet in the face. Allen throws a pie at the Moe and Larry, but they duck and it hits a woman in the face. Allen throws another pie, but it hits another woman instead.]
MOE: We’ll get you.
[Allen throws more pies at Moe and Larry, but he misses. Instead, one pie lands on another woman and another pie hits a man]
[Moe and Larry throw some pies at Allen, but they miss. One pie hits a woman in the face and another pie hits a man who is sitting in a chair sound asleep]
[Allen throws a pie at Moe, but he dodges it]
MOE: Haha. You missed me. Ehh! [sticks his tongue out]
[Allen throws another pie at Moe and it hits him in the face]
ALLEN: Ahh! That one got ya! Serves you right!
MOE: By golly, he didn’t miss me.
[Moe grabs another pie and prepares to throw it at Allen]
ALLEN: Oh now wait! Don’t you throw that! Don’t you throw---
[Mr. Norfleet walks into the room. Moe throws the pie at Allen and misses]
MR. NORFLEET: I say, what goes on here? [The pie hits him in the face]
MOE: [to Larry] Let’s get him.
[Moe and Larry run around the table to get Allen. Allen gets ready to swing the pipe at Moe, but Moe eyepokes him]
ALLEN: Oh!!
[Moe grabs the pipe from Allen. He swings the pipe at Allen and gets ready to hit him. When he swings the pipe back it hits Larry and then he hits Allen on the head]
LARRY: Oh!
ALLEN: Oh!!
[Moe hits Allen in the head again with the pipe and he gets knocked out and falls on the floor]
[Mr. Norfleet walks up to Moe and Larry]
MR. NORFLEET: What, what in the world---
[Moe takes the painting out of the pipe]
MOE: We recovered your painting.
LARRY: [points to Allen on the floor] And there’s the crook that stole it.
MR. NORFLEET: [takes the painting from Moe] My painting! My painting! You boys are wonderful! I’ll get you a nice reward. My painting…[leaves]
MOE: [to Larry] Oh boy! A reward!
LARRY: Won’t Shemp be glad to hear this.
MOE: He certainly will--- [suddenly notices that Shemp isn’t with him] Hey! Where is that puddinhead, Shemp?
[Moe and Larry look up]
[Cut to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.]
SHEMP: That’s got it! [throwing the wrench to the ground] Now to get out. [notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipes and there’s no way out] Moe! Larry!
[The scene ends]
--THE END--
MOE: Night and Day Plumbers.
[Cut to Mr. Norfleet on the other end of the line]
MR. NORFLEET: [stuttering] I’d like you to come right out to 14-14 Bleaker Street right away. And ask for Mr. Norfleet.
[Cut to Moe again]
MOE: We’ll be over in two shakes of a martini. [hangs up the phone] Ha ha! Boy! Our first case [pushes the phone away but the extension at the end of it pushes it back into his head] Oh! [pushes the phone back again and it stretches back out, but this time, Moe ducks and it misses] Hahaha--- [the phone reaches out and hits him again] Grr!
[Moe turns on the engine to start the jeep.]
MOE: [yelling up at Shemp and Larry] C’mon, you slugs! We’re rollin’!
[Cut to upstairs where Shemp and Larry are sleeping and snoring loudly on bunk beds attached to the wall. Camera cuts back over to Moe downstairs.]
MOE: Oh, stubborn eh??!
[Moe pulls a nearby wire, which causes the two bunk beds to drop Shemp and Larry on the floor. Larry gets up, but Shemp tries to go back to sleep again.]
LARRY: [grabbing the plumbing tools] Hey, c’mon, Shemp! It’s our first call!
[Shemp starts to wake up. Larry walks up to the firepole in the room and drops the toolbag down there. It falls and hits Moe right on the head, who’s right under the firepole. Larry then slides down the pole and lands on top of Moe, pushing his foot down on the pedal. The jeep takes off. A second afterwards, Shemp is seen sliding down the pole and he crashes into the floor, missing the jeep completely.]
SHEMP: We gotta get a longer jeep. [looks off-screen at Moe and Larry taking off in the jeep]
[The scene ends and the next scene begins at Mr. Norfleet’s bathroom. Moe, Larry and Mr. Norfleet enter]
MR. NORFLEET: I dropped a very valuable diamond ring down into this wash base and drain. Please, don’t give up until you find it.
MOE: Don’t worry boss! We’ll have your ring back before you can say “Cucamonga.”
MR. NORFLEET: That’s fine. Oh! My wife has guests and is unveiling a new Van Brocklin painting she just bought. Please, work quietly.
MOE: Ok, we’ll be quiet.
[Mr. Norfleet leaves. Larry throws his tools down on floor causing a loud noise]
MOE: Quiet!!!!
[Moe throws his tools down as well and a loud noise occurs again]
MOE: I said quiet. [slaps Larry] Come on, get busy here!
LARRY: Alright.
MOE: Get the ring.
[At the same time, Moe and Larry stick their heads into the sink to look through the drain but they bump heads]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh!!
MOE: Come on! Get that plate outta there!
LARRY: Alright.
[Larry removes the metal plate on the top of the drain on the sink. Moe takes a flashlight, looks through the drain, and sticks his hand in. He grabs the ring out]
LARRY: Think you got something.
MOE: How about that! It was stuck on the inside rim all the time. Call Mr. Norfleet.
LARRY: [yells] Mr. Norfleet, we found the--- [bumps into Moe]
MOE: Oh!! [drops the ring and it falls down the drain]
LARRY: Get it!!
[At the same time, Moe and Larry stick their heads into the sink to look through the drain but they bump heads again]
MOE AND LARRY: Oh!!
MOE: You knucklehead you!!! You’re gonna get that ring if I have to shove you down the pipe after it.
LARRY: Wait a minute, there must be another way.
[Moe grabs Larry by the hair]
MOE: I’ll show ya!
[Moe turns Larry upside down and tries to shove him down the drain]
LARRY: Moe! Please! Ow!! Ow!! Ow, you’re crushing my skull.
MOE: Well get that ring!
LARRY: Ow! I won’t fit in here.
MOE: By golly, he’s right. His ears are in the way. [snaps fingers] I gotta get something.
[Moe walks over to the bag of tools]
MOE: Oh yeah! A wrench! [yanks the wrench out and it hits him in the face] Ohh!! Hmmmm!!
[Moe grabs the wrench and the plunger.]
MOE: Ah!!!
[He walks up to sink and sees Larry gone. Moe does a double take.]
MOE: Oh no, he couldn’t have. He couldn’t have gone down that drain pipe.
[Moe talks into the drain]
MOE: Larry! Where are you?
LARRY: [we hear his voice from inside the drain] I’m down here.
[Moe does a double take]
MOE: Nyahh!! [drops his tools] I’ll figure something out kid. Wait a minute. I’ll figure something out.
[Moe grabs a flashlight and looks down the drain. He sees Larry’s face]
LARRY: Come on, Moe. Get busy!!
MOE: [does a double take] Ok kid! I’ll be with you in a jiffy. Take it easy kid. I’ll find a way.
[Moe sticks his hand down the drain.]
[Cut to Larry who is under the sink. It turns out that he disconnected the pipes and is just under the sink. Moe’s hand grabs Larry’s hair and pulls it out]
MOE: Now easy Larry!
LARRY: Owww!!!
[Cut to Moe who grabs a chunk of Larry’s hair]
MOE: Mmm. Hmm. I got part of him. I’ll have to take him out in pieces. Take your time kid. [sticks his hand down the drain again.
[Larry gets up from under the sink and approaches Moe]
LARRY: Hey Moe! What are you doing?
MOE: I’m trying to get you outta this pipe, ya sap! [does a double take]
LARRY: What d’you do? Blow your stack!
MOE: I’ll blow your stack. I’ll smack you in the snoot. I’ll--- [can’t get his hand out of the drain] Larry! I can’t get it out. Help me, will ya. I’m stuck.
[Larry tries to pull Moe’s hand out]
MOE: Oh!
LARRY: Take it easy kid! I’ll get you out
MOE: Oh oh! Ohhhh!! [Moe gets his hand free]
LARRY: You’re hand alright?
MOE: I dunno. [pokes Larry in the eyes]
LARRY: It’s alright. [suddenly feels the pain from the eyepoke] Oww!!
MOE: Give me that. Hope that ring’s in here.
[Moe grabs the drain pipe from Larry. He looks through it and then listens to it. Larry blows on the other end of the pipe while Moe listens]
MOE: Ow!! I’ll murder you!
LARRY: Take it easy.
MOE: Hey! That ring went down that drain pipe.
LARRY: How do you know it didn’t go down the water pipe?
MOE: Maybe it did.
[We hear a horn honking from outside.]
[Cut to outside. Shemp is honking the horn of the jeep. He then grabs a bunch of pipes and carries them]
[Cut to Moe and Larry who look out the bathroom window to see who is honking.]
MOE: [yells out the window] Hey Shemp! We’re in here. We got a lot of work to do, so shake a leg!
[Cut to Shemp who is having a hard time carrying the pipes]
SHEMP: Hold your horses, will ya.
[Cut to Moe and Larry again]
MOE: I think that ring slid down one of the pipes into the basement. We all better go down there and find it and hurry.
LARRY: Well don’t rush me. I gotta wash my hands. [turns on the sink to wash his hands]
MOE: Oh. [grabs a plunger]
LARRY: Who do you think I am, anyhow?? Haha!
MOE: Hey anyhow!!
LARRY: What?
[Moe sticks the plunger on Larry’s head and drags him out of the bathroom]
LARRY: Oowwww!
MOE: Come on! Come on! Come on, anyhow!! Come on!
[Larry gets dragged out of the bathroom and accidentally leaves the faucet on the sink running.]
[The scene ends and the next scene begins down in the basement of the mansion. Moe is twisting a wrench on a pipe as Shemp watches.]
SHEMP: That’s got it!
MOE: But we didn’t locate the ring. [handing Shemp the wrench, which is still connecting to the pipe] Hold on to this, and don't let it slip. [to Larry] Gimme that blow torch.
[Larry aims the blowtorch towards Moe’s behind and accidentally turns it on, burning Moe's rear.]
MOE: Yeeeeooowwww!!!!!
[Moe accidentally steps in the bucket and gets his foot stuck inside of it.]
MOE: [to Larry] Get my foot outta there!
LARRY: Okay!
[Larry yanks Moe’s leg up, causing Moe to unintentionally knee him. Moe falls backwards and bumps into Shemp, causing Shemp’s arm that’s holding the wrench to slip, and the wrench bangs into Moe’s head. The pipe leaks again. Moe holds his hand under the leak, then holds his hand over to Larry.]
MOE: [to Larry] Now see what ya did?
LARRY: [looking at Moe’s hand] What?
MOE: [slapping Larry with the wet hand] Get outta here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! We can’t find the ring while it’s leakin’. [looking around the basement] I wonder where you shut the water off.
SHEMP: It must be upstairs. Water always runs downhill.
MOE: [pinching Shemp’s cheek] You’re a very intelligent imbecile!
SHEMP: Thanks!
MOE: Yeah. Shut the water off!!!! Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! [quickly picks up his tools and heads for the stairs leading to the outside of the basement] Get me nervous!
MOE: Go get busy!
[Cut to upstairs where we see the guests that Mrs. Norfleet has over at the mansion. Allen, Ethel and Mrs. Norfleet are talking]
ETHEL: We’re simply dying to see the Van Brocklin.
MRS. NORFLEET: Well, I’ll not keep you waiting.
[Cut back to inside of the basement with Moe and Larry. Moe is twisting the pipe with a wrench, as Larry sits beside him, relaxing while reading a newspaper. Larry notices that the pail next to him held under the leak is filled with water, so he puts his newspaper down and dumps all the water out of the pail. Then he stands the pail back up under the leak again.]
LARRY: [picking the newspaper back up again] Ah!
[Moe looks over at Larry and then bangs his wrench over Larry’s head.]
MOE: A great help you are! That other chowderhead didn’t shut the water off, now you do it! [handing Larry a diving rod] Here!
LARRY: Wait a minute! Where will I find a valve?
MOE: That’s your job, ya dummy! Look in the kitchen. Look in the attic. [slapping Larry] Look in the backyard!
LARRY: Alright!
[Larry holds his diving rod behind him then begins to walk away. The rod gets caught onto the back of Moe’s suspenders. As Larry tries to walk away, the suspenders stretch out farther. So Larry then lets go of the rod, and it goes flying backwards into Moe’s head, knocking him into the furnace. Larry jumps in the shock as he sees this, and then dashes out of the basement in fright.]
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and the guests. They are all admiring the Van Brocklin painting]
ETHEL: Oh, it’s divine! What color! What detail!
MRS. NORFLEET: And it’s over two hundred years old. Every museum in the country tried to buy it.
ALLEN: It’s a masterpiece alright.
[Cut to Larry passing by the bathroom. He sees the sink running and the water that has leaked all over the bathroom]
LARRY: What idiot left this water running? [realizes it was him] I did!
[Larry turns off the faucet.]
[Cut to Moe in the basement. Water comes out from the pipe he’s fixing and it splashes on his face]
MOE: Uhhh!!! I wonder where those other lugs are.
[Cut to Larry in the bathroom.]
LARRY: I gotta get rid of this water. [grabs a hand drill]
[Larry starts drilling holes on the floor to get the water out of the bathroom]
[Cut to inside of the basement, where Moe has finished tightening the pipe again.]
MOE: Ah! Success at last!
[Cut to Larry in the bathroom. He continues to drill the holes on the floor]
LARRY: [as he is drilling] What an idea!
[Cut to Moe in the basement. Suddenly, water from the drill holes in the bathroom floor above splashes on Moe’s head.]
MOE: Yeeooowww!!! [moves to the side] What’s the matter? What’s going on here? [more water starts dripping on him] Ohhh, moida!
[Cut to Larry who stops drilling.]
LARRY: Hey! I better find that water cut-off. [yanks the drill out of the floor and it hits him in the face] Ohh!! [throws the drill on the floor and leaves]
[Cut to Moe in the basement]
MOE: I’ll find that ring if it kills me.
[Moe grabs a box to stand on top of and then begins tightening the pipe with a wrench. Camera cuts over to a chef in the kitchen washing his hands in the sink. In the basement, Moe twists a pipe around. This causes the sink faucet in the kitchen to twist to the other side as well. The chef watches in surprise. As he tries to grab the faucet, it begins turning up and down. The chef grabs the faucet and pulls it out of the wall, causing water to leak out of the faucet hole. Back inside the basement, Moe accidentally pulls the two pipes apart, causing the water stops leaking out of the kitchen faucet hole. The chef puts his face up to the hole in curiosity. Moe then begins re-attaches the two pipes, causing the water to spray out of the kitchen faucet hole again and into the chef’s face. The water stops coming out of the hole and chef holds his face up to it again. Moe finishes re-attaching the pipes, and the water sprays the chef in the face again.]
[Cut to Larry who is outside. He begins to shovel a hole in the ground]
LARRY: I’ll find that water cut-off.
[Cut to Allen and Ethel admiring the Van Brocklin painting]
ETHEL: [whispering] It’s the real Van Brocklin alright! Worth a fortune.
ALLEN: [whispering back] Okay, we’ll... [mumbles]
[Cut to Moe and Shemp in the basement.]
MOE: Go on, get another length of pipe! Go ahead!
[Shemp walks over to an electricity box and pulls a pipe attached to the top of the box. He notices the electrical wires inside the pipe]
SHEMP: Hey, Moe! No wonder the water don’t woik. These pipes are clogged up with wires! [Moe walks up to him] Look.
MOE: Well, yank ‘em out and we’ll hook the pipes up all over again. You oysterbrain! [pushing Shemp] Go on!
SHEMP: Alright! [begins to yank the wires out of the pipe]
[Cut to Mr. Norfleet talking to a guest.]
MR. NORFLEET: No, we don’t go in for sculpture. It’s too bulky. We---
[The lights on the wall nearby begin to shake, from Shemp pulling the electrical wires down in the basement. Mr. Norfleet tries to catch the shaking light and at the same time, he tries to appear casual in front of his guest.]
SHEMP: [pulling the wires] White all colors...
[Suddenly, the light on the wall gets pulled inside of the wall, and makes a big hole.]
MR. NORFLEET: Short circuit, no doubt!
[Cut back to the chef in the kitchen, mixing batter. There is suddenly some clanking noise above him. He looks up at the light above him and notices the light bulb moving up and down due to Shemp's wire pulling. Then the hands of a clock on top of the wall in front of the chef are moving rapidly. The chef does a double take when he sees this. The clock falls off the wall and into the bowl of batter, splashing it all over the chef’s face.]
[Cut to the basement where we see a big pile of wires. Then the camera pans over and we see Shemp still pulling the wires out of the pipe.]
[Cut to Larry who has just dug a big hole on the ground outside of the mansion. He still continues digging]
LARRY: Where is that water cut-off?
[Cut to Shemp in the basement. He just finished pulling out the electrical wires out of the pipe]
SHEMP: [to Moe] That does it! End of the line!
[Moe walks over to Shemp, dragging a water pipe with him.]
MOE: Okay! We’ll try and get these pipes together and then everything will be oaky-doaky.
SHEMP: Alright!
[Shemp and Moe try to connect the electrical pipes and the water pipe together.]
[Cut to the kitchen. The chef turns on the light bulb switch. Water flows inside of the bulb instead of the light turning on. It fills completely with water, then cracks and starts dripping water. The bewildered chef looks up at the dripping light bulb.]
CHEF: This house has sho’ gone crazy! [grabs a match above the stove]
[Cut to the basement where Shemp and Moe have connected both the electrical and water pipes together.]
SHEMP: I never thought I’d do it!
MOE: [shaking Shemp’s hand] Success! Hahaha!
[Cut to the kitchen. The chef lights the stove with a match and water sprays out of the stove instead of fire. The water sprays in the chef’s face. He tries turning the stove off, but no luck. He then heads for the closet but slips on the wet floor several times on his way.]
[Cut back to the outside of the mansion. Larry pokes his head through from under the ground.]
LARRY: I’ll find this thing, or else! [sticks his head back in the hole]
[Cut over to Shemp walking in the hallway of the mansion. One of the pipes he’s carrying happens to fall right down next to the basement door. Shemp walks around and notices a bathroom door. He opens the door and then drops his tools on the floor and walks in.]
[Cut back to the kitchen. The chef peers his out of the closet door, dressed in a raincoat. He rushes over to the stove and tries to stop the water from coming out. After having no luck, he heads towards the outside of the kitchen and again slips on the floor on his way.]
[Cut to Shemp in bathroom. He is in the bathtub trying to fix the faucet. Shemp takes a wrench out of his toolbag and twists the water faucet all the way off. Water splashes out of the faucet hole and onto Shemp.]
SHEMP: Oh, must be a loose washer! [covering the faucet hole with his hands] How do ya like that? [reaching for the pliers in his back pocket] I’ll fix that in a minute! Gotta be a loose washer. [accidentally drops the pliers] Oh!
[Shemp uncovers the faucet hole and then bends over and pick up the pliers. The water from the faucet hole splashes him again. Shemp covers the hole again and then swings the pliers at it, but accidentally hits his hand.]
SHEMP: Oh oh oh!
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and her guests]
MRS. NORFLEET: Dear me! I can’t understand what’s holding up dinner.
[The chef enters with his wet raincoat on.]
CHEF: Sorry folks. Dinner’s postponed on account of rain! [leaves]
MRS. NORFLEET: [to the guests] Well, I, I’m sure it won’t be long. Shall we see what’s on the television set?
MR. NORFLEET: Uh, excellent. Uh, excellent idea. [clears throat]
[The Norfleets and the guest all walk over to the television set. Meanwhile, Allen secretly cuts around the Van Brocklin painting with a knife as Ethel keeps a lookout.]
MRS. NORFLEET: [to her guests] We get the most amazing results.
[Mrs. Norfleet turns the TV set on.]
TV ANNOUNCER: Good evening, friends.
MRS. NORFLEET: Th-That’s odd! There’s sound, but no picture.
TV ANNOUNCER: Our special feature for tonight will be glimpses of scenic America. First we take you to Niagara Falls.
MRS. NORFLEET: [trying to get the picture on in the TV set] I’ll get it in a minute.
[The picture on the TV set turns on and we see the Niagara Falls. Suddenly, water bursts forth from the TV set and splashes all over Mrs. Norfleet.]
MR. NORFLEET: Oh! Oh, dear!
MRS. NORFLEET: Oh! Water!
MR. NORFLEET: Change your clothes dear, you’re all wet.
[Cut back to Shemp in the bathroom. Shemp is in front of the leaking faucet hole and he’s holding a pipe.]
SHEMP: I’ll let the water out in the window, that’s what I’ll do.
[Shemp screws the pipe onto the faucet hole, and the water from the faucet hole ends up leaking outside of the other end of the pipe.]
SHEMP: Oh, yeah???
[Shemp gets another pipe and then screws it onto the end of the first pipe. The leak ends up coming out of the end of the second pipe. Shemp gets even more aggravated as he notices this.]
[Cut to Mrs. Norfleet and her guests. Allen secretly steals the Van Brocklin painting and puts it inside his jacket]
[Wilkes, the Butler walks up to the weeping Mrs. Norfleet.]
WILKES: Madam, shall I get you some water?
MRS. NORFLEET: No!!! [looks over and notices the Van Brocklin painting missing from the frame] Oh, my painting! It’s gone!
[Allen and Ethel are about to leave, but Mr. Norfleet cuts them off on the way.]
MR. NORFLEET: Nobody leaves the house! Sorry, just the formality. [picks up the phone] I’ll call the police.
[Suddenly, water starts shooting out of the phone receiver and into Mr. Norfleet’s face.]
MR. NORFLEET: Wha--- Who? What do I--- Op- Operator! What? [coughs]
[Cut to the bathroom. Moe and Larry walk in]
LARRY: I tell ya Moe. I couldn’t find that water shut-off.
MOE: Shut-off. Shut up!! Maybe the ring went behind that basin. [points to the sink]
[Moe gives Larry a crowbar]
MOE: Here. Pry that basin away from that wall just one inch, so I can look behind it.
[Larry starts to pry the basin away from the wall. As he is prying, Moe starts thinking out loud.]
MOE: [thinking to himself] Now if I was a ring, where would I go?
[Larry pries the basin away from the wall and it falls on Moe’s foot]
MOE: Ohhh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!
LARRY: I’m sorry, Moe.
MOE: So am I. [hits Larry in the head with the hammer]
LARRY: Oh!
MOE: [grabs Larry’s hair] You imbecile you!!
LARRY: Ahhh!
[Moe grabs the ring out of Larry’s hair]
MOE: Hey! The ring has been in your hair all the time.
LARRY: [yells] Mr. Norfleet!!
[Larry opens the bathroom door to yell out to Mr. Norfleet]
MOE: [yells] Mr. Norfleet!!
LARRY: [yells out the door] Mr. Norfleet! Hurry up!
[Mr. Norfleet enters the bathroom]
MOE: Here’s your ring, Mr. Norfleet. [gives the ring to Mr. Norfleet]
MR. NORFLEET: Oh, thank you! Oh! I’m frantic gentlemen! Frantic! Someone stole our new fifty thousand dollar painting.
LARRY: [whispers to Moe] Where’s Shemp? He loves pictures.
MOE: [to Larry] I think he’s upstairs. [to Mr. Norfleet] Wait here boss, we’ll be right back. [to Larry] Come on.
[Moe and Larry leave]
MR. NORFLEET: Anything. Anything I--- I must have a drink of water.
[Mr. Norfleet starts drinking the water that’s coming out of the wall]
[Cut to Allen and Ethel walking into the hallway in the mansion. The chef, who walks up to them carrying a big butcher knife, suddenly frightens them.]
CHEF: You folks goin’ somewhere?
ETHEL: Just looking for a drink of water.
CHEF: Turn on anything, you’ll get it!
[Allen and Ethel look at the chef in confusion as he walks away. When he leaves, they walk down the hallway a little further.]
ALLEN: He’s gone. [looking out one end of the hall] We can’t make it out that way.
ETHEL: We’ll be searched!
ALLEN: Yeah. [looks down and notices a pipe lying on the floor that Shemp dropped earlier] Yeah! [picks up the pipe] They won’t find anything.
[The door opens up behind Allen and Ethel. Moe and Larry are about to enter through the door but they stop suddenly when he hears Allen talk about the stolen painting. ]
ALLEN: [stuffing the painting into the pipe] I’ll put the picture in here until the excitement blows over. They’ll never find the painting in this pipe
[Moe and Larry hear this]
ALLEN: You go to the car. I’ll be right with you. [Ethel leaves]
[Moe and Larry sneak up behind Allen. Moe covers Allen’s mouth and they drag him into the room where all the guests are]
MOE: Ah! You crook, we got ya.
ALLEN: [frees himself from Moe and Larry] Let me alone! I’ll brain you! [swings the pipe at Moe and Larry, but they duck]
[Allen quickly crawls under table full of pies. He gets up and is now on the other side of the table where Moe and Larry can’t get him. Moe and Larry each grab a pie from the table and throw it at Allen]
ALLEN: Don’t you dare throw that pie. [The pies hits his face]
[Larry throws a pie, but Allen dodges it and the pie lands on one of the male guests. Moe throws a pie at Allen and it hits him. Larry tries to throw a pie at Allen, but Moe gets in the way and Larry ends up hitting Moe on the back of the head with the pie.]
MOE: Oh!!
LARRY: Oh! I’m sorry Moe! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you---
MOE: [attempts to throw a pie at Larry] Why---
LARRY: Oh no you don’t. [ducks and covers his face with his hands]
[Moe doesn’t throw the pie because he saw that Larry ducked. Moe squats down in front of Larry who is still covering his face.]
LARRY: [still covering his face] Are you here Moe?
MOE: No I just left.
[Larry uncovers his face.]
LARRY: Oh!
[Moe throws the pie at Larry’s face]
MOE: Get outta here. Next time watch where you’re throwing.
LARRY: Oh yeah. [grabs a pie from the table] Well I know what, uh my rights are---
[Moe hits Larry’s hand that’s holding the pie. The pie goes flying and it hits Mrs. Norfleet in the face. Allen throws a pie at the Moe and Larry, but they duck and it hits a woman in the face. Allen throws another pie, but it hits another woman instead.]
MOE: We’ll get you.
[Allen throws more pies at Moe and Larry, but he misses. Instead, one pie lands on another woman and another pie hits a man]
[Moe and Larry throw some pies at Allen, but they miss. One pie hits a woman in the face and another pie hits a man who is sitting in a chair sound asleep]
[Allen throws a pie at Moe, but he dodges it]
MOE: Haha. You missed me. Ehh! [sticks his tongue out]
[Allen throws another pie at Moe and it hits him in the face]
ALLEN: Ahh! That one got ya! Serves you right!
MOE: By golly, he didn’t miss me.
[Moe grabs another pie and prepares to throw it at Allen]
ALLEN: Oh now wait! Don’t you throw that! Don’t you throw---
[Mr. Norfleet walks into the room. Moe throws the pie at Allen and misses]
MR. NORFLEET: I say, what goes on here? [The pie hits him in the face]
MOE: [to Larry] Let’s get him.
[Moe and Larry run around the table to get Allen. Allen gets ready to swing the pipe at Moe, but Moe eyepokes him]
ALLEN: Oh!!
[Moe grabs the pipe from Allen. He swings the pipe at Allen and gets ready to hit him. When he swings the pipe back it hits Larry and then he hits Allen on the head]
LARRY: Oh!
ALLEN: Oh!!
[Moe hits Allen in the head again with the pipe and he gets knocked out and falls on the floor]
[Mr. Norfleet walks up to Moe and Larry]
MR. NORFLEET: What, what in the world---
[Moe takes the painting out of the pipe]
MOE: We recovered your painting.
LARRY: [points to Allen on the floor] And there’s the crook that stole it.
MR. NORFLEET: [takes the painting from Moe] My painting! My painting! You boys are wonderful! I’ll get you a nice reward. My painting…[leaves]
MOE: [to Larry] Oh boy! A reward!
LARRY: Won’t Shemp be glad to hear this.
MOE: He certainly will--- [suddenly notices that Shemp isn’t with him] Hey! Where is that puddinhead, Shemp?
[Moe and Larry look up]
[Cut to the bathroom, where Shemp is covered in a maze of attached pipes. Shemp is tightening the last pipe with a wrench.]
SHEMP: That’s got it! [throwing the wrench to the ground] Now to get out. [notices that he’s trapped in the maze of pipes and there’s no way out] Moe! Larry!
[The scene ends]
--THE END--
COLUMBIA : Three Stooges Collection, The Vol. 8: 1955 - 1959
Published by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (2010)
Released on:
Published by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment (2010)
Released on:
- DVD
Day and Nite Plumbers
We Never Sleep
We Never Sleep
|
Face Slaps: 3
Eye Pokes: 2
Head Bonks: 2
Pastry Thrown: 15
|
|
|
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2014-05-06 16:38:12 by stryker
Posted 2014-05-06 16:38:12 by stryker
i want to know, which would you prefer.. a 1945-46 Curly, or post '52 Shemp?
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2001-06-02 00:56:00 by Stooge
Edited 2008-06-16 09:39:33 by Stooge
Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2001-06-02 00:56:00 by Stooge
Edited 2008-06-16 09:39:33 by Stooge
A remake of VABAOND LOAFERS (which itself is a remake of A PLUMBING WE WILL GO) with Joe Palma doubling for Shemp. But thankfully, the Palma double is only in one small bit and is absent for the rest of the short. Moe and Larry have to carry all the new scenes by themselves and they do a surprisingly grerat job here and the new scenes are great, especially the sink scene. This proves that maybe the "2 Stooges" idea that Moe and Larry had after Shemp's death wouldn't have been so bad after all. The pie-fight towards the end with Kenneth MacDonald may have been an excuse to reuse some more footage from another short (HALF WITS HOLIDAY), but it was still pretty funny and MacDonald was funny here. And even though the ending was a reused scene with Shemp from early on in VAGABOND LOAFERS, it fit perfectly at the end here.Overall, the only actually watchable Shemp A.D./Palma-double remake.
Reviewer's Rating:
(8)
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2007-11-12 19:16:25 by locoboymakesgood
Edited 2007-11-12 19:18:20 by locoboymakesgood
Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Posted 2007-11-12 19:16:25 by locoboymakesgood
Edited 2007-11-12 19:18:20 by locoboymakesgood
I'm not a huge fan of the A.D. Shemp shorts, but Scheming Schemers is the best one hands down. After watching Rumpus In the Harum, Hot Stuff, and Commotion On the Ocean before this one... I can see where Moe and Larry would have been great by themselves. Larry can pull off the third Stooge/middle Stooge combined persona very well. It's a real shame they had to make these 4 shorts anyway, just because Shemp had some time left in his contract. Kind of lame overall when you think about it, considering most of the shorts in the previous 3 years prior to this were either remakes or relied heavily on stock footage. It was nice to see Kenneth McDonald involved in a pie fight finally.I won't go overboard, but I'd say a decent 2.5 pokes.
Reviewer's Rating:
(6)
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2007-09-11 20:32:34 by KingKongFu
Edited 2007-09-11 20:33:50 by KingKongFu
Posted 2007-09-11 20:32:34 by KingKongFu
Edited 2007-09-11 20:33:50 by KingKongFu
This is far better than the three other A.D. Shemp shorts, but that's not saying much, especially when compared to the other superior Shemp shorts. Moe and Larry do a good job with their Two Stooge act in the bathroom scene. Joe Palma thankfully only appears in one small scene where he comes out of the car carrying pipes in front of his face, but Shemp's absence is too noticeable in the new footage, especially when Moe and Larry are overusing his name in the new footage (you can even notice them doing this in one or two other A.D. Shemp shorts as well). That is definite proof that it was very difficult for them to even pretend that Shemp was still with them in the short when the real Shemp was dead.Overall, not a bad short after Shemp's death, but if you're a casual Stooge fan and are looking for a very superior Shemp short to watch, look elsewhere.
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2007-08-27 12:32:38 by superstooge
Reviewer's Rating: (6)
Posted 2007-08-27 12:32:38 by superstooge
Probably the best of the Joe Palma remakes. Although the editing is sloppy at times, the short holds up relatively well. I have to agree with some of the other reviewers here, though. This showed that at least for a few films, Moe and Larry could have done it on their own. Much of this short is just them anyway. Larry seemed to be able to mix the middle stooge with the third stooge when he needed to. Ending with Shemp and the pipes was a little strange.
I always found it a little unsettling and sad when Moe and Larry realize that Shemp isn't there and look up. It must have been excruciating for the two of them.
Reviewer's Rating:
(6)
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2003-07-08 15:52:00 by jaronson
Reviewer's Rating: (8)
Posted 2003-07-08 15:52:00 by jaronson
I think all that "Shemp-Joe" is trying to do is trying to make us worship these four shorts. It seems to be his obsession because that isn't his original user name and now his avatar is a picture of Joe Palma. Of course, that picture of Palma is from a publicity photo of RUMPUS IN THE HAREM with Palma in Shemp's Santa Clause costume.This is by far the best of the four Shemp A.D. shorts because of the great two man comedy between Moe and Larry and they only used Joe Palma for one small scene.Grade: B- (3 pokes)
Reviewer's Rating:
(8)
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2003-04-04 17:35:00 by Pat Stooge
Reviewer's Rating: (1)
Posted 2003-04-04 17:35:00 by Pat Stooge
The third of The "After Death Shemps", another short where they watse one day of reusing old footage and where Joe stands in for Shemp. I don't like this one one bit. It makes a mockery of Shemp and reveales their hidden agenda, Moe and Larry try to move on without Shemp and even reuses old footage from "Half Wits Holiday" where Curly had his brush with death.Now I know what your thinking, it was and excellent idea to add Shemp's footage from "Vagabond Lofers" because its perfect for Shemp's last appearance.I'm sorry to tell you this but, Yeah, Right. Snap out of it folks!They were determined to use the dead Shemp until they could replace him.I said this because thats thier hidden agenda!It wasn't fair to Shemp, and I don't think he was greatfull to the fact that they refused to let him rest in peace.
Reviewer's Rating:
(1)
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2001-05-28 21:18:00 by Mike Holme
Edited 2002-03-30 03:24:00 by Mike Holme
Posted 2001-05-28 21:18:00 by Mike Holme
Edited 2002-03-30 03:24:00 by Mike Holme
A gem among coals, but compared to other Shemp shorts, this one's no gem. The beginning footage was great with Moe and Larry doing two-man comedy. The rest is pretty much bad editing and sudden transitions from old footage to new. In fact, after Shemp's death, Moe and Larry even suggested a two-man comedy act but Harry Cohn said no and got Joe Besser. I think if they did do two-man comedy shorts, the results would probably be way better than the Joe B. era was. 2 pokes
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2002-02-05 21:10:00 by BeatleMoe
Posted 2002-02-05 21:10:00 by BeatleMoe
I found this film to be good, not very good, nor fairly good, but plain good. I love the way Moe and Larry carry the film in new footage to make up for Shemp. It definitely comes in handy in the Joe Besser films.Memorable Scene: Larry and Moe in the washroom trying to find the ring.Rating: 2 1/2 starsBeatleMoe
Re: SCHEMING SCHEMERS
Posted 2001-10-25 23:31:00 by Giff me dat fill-em!
Posted 2001-10-25 23:31:00 by Giff me dat fill-em!
I have trouble with the TITLE alone ...What ELSE would a person expect "schemers" to do?(a weak title usually indicates the net result)
FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of the issues involved. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information please visit: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission directly from the copyright owner.
